intro
There is an old saying that goes “you are what you eat”. I also believe “you are what you drink” because I have a “Busch”.
g bar
There’s a bar in the Whole Foods I shop at. I don’t like grocery bars. I don’t want to see shoppers drink. Get a life. Go home. I don’t understand….people can’t drink alone anymore? What kind of pansies are you? Drink alone like the other sad people. Don’t put your loniliness on display at the grocery store for everyone to see. That’s how I know it’s fake sadness. Your not a true hero drinking alone at home.
parent trap
I feel awkward around parents even though I’m a parent myself. I realized this because I still feel like a kid. I’m a kid at heart. I’m immature and a deviant. I feel like I’m about to get reprimanded by another parent like they are going to parent me. Maybe it’s because I got in trouble a lot as a kid. Now I realize parents are all in the same boat. They all are going through the same struggles. They all just want to relate to each other. They all want to get hammered drunk and not have any responsibility. They all wish they didn’t have kids.
it’s a numbers game
When I’m at a restaurant I order food by price not by what I want. I’ll look at all the prices before I look at the actual food item. I’ll cross reference the price with the food items and order something I don’t want. I usually don’t get any items that are higher than $15. Then when it’s time to order I will say, “I’ll take the 12” and the waiter will look confused. “Oh I mean the hamburger that’s $12.” I will say the price just so I don’t get screwed over. I want to make sure they bill me right. I never get desserts or drinks. I’ll maybe get an appetizer and that’s all. Honestly, appetizers are rip offs though. You should just get another entrée as an appetizer, you’ll get more food.
fast wars
I’m going to make a bold statement. The Fast and Furious saga is better than the Star Wars franchise. Star Wars may have had the better movie but as a collection Fast and Furious is way more consistent. Star Wars fans don’t even like all of them. They analyze the piss out of those movies. They say Star Wars is family friendly but every movie someone is killing there dad or kissing there sister. Star Wars fans say they relate to Luke. Oh yeah you can relate to Luke, the guy who loves his sister and kills his dad. If one galaxy needed pro choice it was in a galaxy a long long time ago. Fast and furious has no incest. No one is killing there dad. It’s way more family friendly. The end.
fish cat
You ever seen that show Catfish on MTV? It’s where some ugly person pretends to be a hot person online so they can find love. I want to catfish someone but with an upgrade. It’ll be a reverse catfish. I want to make a profile on tinder of an ugly guy then when the girl meets the guy face to face he is a hot dude. She will be surprised and in shock. The guy will say, “I wanted you to like me for me.” She’ll feel betrayed and hurt. She’ll want the ugly guy in the pic so she can be the dominant one in the relationship. Looks = dominance.
doogie howser moment
I have a love hate relationship with parents but I think it’s mostly hate. I especially don’t like parents who hang out at grocery bars. Get a life. I hope you get cat-fished. Speaking of catfish…. if I’m at a restaurant and it’s cheap then I’m buying it even though I don’t want it. In conclusion, Fast and Furious is better than Star Wars. It’s not even debatable.