cheeky intro
If girls are wearing shorts that show their cheeks then my mom who is a grandma should be able to as well.
my reaction: I think of it as restorative justice. Let’s even the playing field. If grandmas worldwide let their cheek hang out then the young girls would stop. Seriously, lets get all the grandmas on Tik Tok and ruin every teen trend out there.
my moon
I’ve been reading a book about the solar system to my son. We have been learning all about the universe, planets, and stars. It’s been fasicinating to say the least. We recently learned that there is no wind, weather, or dust on the moon so the footprints from Neil Armstrong (the first astronaut on the moon) are still there. He landed on the moon on July 21st 1969. That’s over 50 years ago and there are still footprints on the surface. That’s amazing. If I was Neil Armstrong and knew that my footprints would still be there 50 years later I would’ve at least wrote “Neil was here”, “you suck”, or draw a p*nis on the moon’s surface. I would’ve taken a huge dump from eating all that space food and made my own crater. My poop would still be on the moon. Maybe it would’ve created life on the moon all from a single turd. I could’ve started a new alien life form called the moon turdians.
invite me
My 6 year old son was invited to a party from a kid on his baseball team. The parent texted the birthday invitation to me and I sent a response that said, “Great! Me and son will be there!”. I should’ve put “great! my son will make it”. I’m not sure why I thought I was invited to a 6 year old’s birthday party? It sounded like I was more excited for the party than my son was. Back in the day kids would be dropped off by their parent and return 2 hours late. Now parents stay at kids parties. That’s weird. In retrospect I should’ve stayed at the party because they served Dominoes pizza and my son said he was allergic. My son thinks he’s allergic to Domino’s. He didn’t eat pizza but instead just ate Doritos and grapes.
green trainer
My friend is a newbie to edibles so I’m his weed guy. I’m his personal trainer for drugs. I’ve been working with him on how to do it and what dose he should take. I feel like I’m a pot nutrionist. I’m like jenny craig for weed. I’ve been helping and giving him on call support on how to take it, when to take it, and what to do. I even gave him a weed munchie starter kit. It included a Red bull, Doritos, beef jerky, and candy. If you know of any edidble begginers out there please pass along my information. I will guide them through the process. I want them to have an enjoyable experience on THC.
bacon
My gf was gone for 5 days on a business trip to Atlanta. I was home alone with my 4 kids ranging from 1 to 15 years old. It was a good experience. Everything went smoothly. I started out with a lot of energy but it slowly faded by the 5th day. I was exhausted. I was in charge of cleaning, making every meal, and keeping the house in order. On the last day I was so tired that I just made a package of bacon for dinner. I put out a plate of bacon for dinner and said ‘eat’. I made 14 slices of bacon for dinner. I indavertendly put all my kids on paleo. No carbs. Just bacon. They are all going to need a detox when their mom comes home.
the big 3
My step daughter talks so much that it’s hard to get any words in to my gf. I have to fight to get attention in my household. My gf is so exhausted from listening to her that I feel like I don’t even date her anymore. I’m thinking about buying my step daughter not one therapist but 3 therapists. Just line them up back to back to back. She can have a 3 hour session with 3 different therapists everyday. She can start with the first one for an hour then the second comes in and the third can finish her up for closing statements. She doesn’t have issues she just needs someone to talk to who will listen 24/7.
doogie howser moment
I’ve learned that bacon can solve a lot of problems. Bacon can feed a whole family. Bacon can get someone from talking excessively. Bacon is also a great munchie for someone who is on a edible. If I was a astronaut I would’ve taken bacon to space. I wish there was bacon at my son’s friend birthday party because my son would’ve ate it. Lastly, girls stop hanging those cheeks out no one wants to see your bacon strips.