something I don’t like about me that I’m technically not
Being a homeowner
my reaction: I’m technically not a homeowner. I live in my gf’s house. I don’t like the fact that people pay $250,000 on a home and then have to keep pouring money into your house every day, week, and month. It gets annoying. I don’t like home improvement. I’d rather live in an apartment, but we have a family of 6, so none of those are viable options.
clear my head
Every time I get in an argument with my gf I say, “I need to get out of here and clear my head”. I used to ‘annoy’ myself out of the house before we had kids. I would annoy her so much that she would just say, “leave!”. I can’t do that anymore since we have kids. I would have to take the kids with me. It’s fun saying, “I need to clear my head” when you get in argument. Try it out. Get in argument with your significant other and say it repeatedly. There is no way you can clear your head. Your head will always be full of something but it’s a good excuse to get out of the house.
safe argument
Me and my gf usually don’t get in a lot of arguments. The only time we get in arguments are when the kids are not around. I know it doesn’t make sense but it does. When your kids are around you want to act like everything is okay and great so you bottle up all the stuff in your head, but when they are not around it can come out. You can have that argument you’ve waiting to have all week. You can unleash the fury of everything that bothered you about your partner. You have time to go balls out on a pointless useless argument. They say arguments are healthy. Not sure who made that up? Instead of enjoying the peace and quiet I will start an argument when no kids are around. Hey, it’s my time with my gf and will argue away because it’s healthy and I want to be healthy.
dead wrong
If you come to my funeral please don’t say, “ah he looks good”. I don’t. I’ll be dead. I won’t look good. I’ll look dead. How are you going to compliment a dead person? Dead is the worst look out there. Living is way better looking. People get way more compliments when their dead than when their alive. People always say, “oh look at him.. he looks good…” No and no and no. Dead ain’t hot. Dead ain’t sexy.
bear necessities
Remember Smokey the Bear when you were a kid? He was the spokesperson or should I say spokes bear for preventing forest fires. He always said,”Only you can prevent forest fires.” Actually Smokey I can’t. I live in the city. I don’t go to forests. I’m not near forests. I don’t play with fire. I’m not a pyro. I don’t hear much about Smokey the Bear today but with all these wildfires going on maybe we need to bring him back. I don’t know if I can prevent forest fires but I think the government can. Tell the government Smokey.
red dawn
I see a lot of dish soap commercials for Dawn when I’m watching TV. I see so much commercials for dish soap. Does Dawn think my dishes aren’t clean enough? They always do a side by side comparison to the other leading brand vs their brand. The other leading brand side is always dirty and Dawn is sparkling clean. I don’t need my dishes that clean. I feel like I’m eating chemicals. I just need clean enough. I like how they say ‘other leading brand’. Other leading brand sounds good enough to me. I’ll take the other leading brand. It’s better than the other not leading brand.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, imagine if I accidentally started a forest fire because I left the house to clear my head after starting a useless argument with my gf about not wanting to be a homeowner, dawn soap, and the other leading brand. I guess then I’d want people to say I look good at my funeral.