a phrase people say during the holidays
All I want for Christmas is snow
my reaction: All you want for Christmas is Snow? I think that’s a farce. People don’t even like going outside anymore. Get real. If the only thing you got for Christmas is snow you would be mad. You’d be like where are all my presents. Where’s my new Iphone case? What if snows too much, there is blizzard, and people die. How would you feel then?
pull a ham
There’s a store dedicated to ham. Did you guys know that? There is a store called The Honey Baked Ham Company. It’s a store that just sells ham. At anytime you can get a ham. I’m just in awe that there is a store dedicated to ham and ham only. There’s not even a store dedicated to steak. There’s a store for phones and s*x toys which makes sense but for ham it doesn’t. Ham does not deserve a store. I don’t care if you honey glaze that ham with all the sugar in the world. Ham is gross. Ham is such a weird meat. How many hams do they have to sell a day to hit quota? 5, 6, or 7 hams? “Honey, I sold 5 hams today. We are going to have a good Christmas.”
single tasking
I need to stop multi-tasking. Multi-tasking is silly. It’s not as efficient as one may think. Multi-tasking is another way of saying someone is functionally ADHD. I take multi-tasking to the next level. I will brush my teeth and take out the garbage simultaneously. Those two things shouldn’t go together. I will have a tootbrush in one hand and have a bag of garbage in the other hand. I should work on my brushing not garbage emptying because my breath is hot.
ho ho homeless
They need to be update the lyrics from the song “Santa Clause is coming to town”. They should update the lyrics so they make more sense. The lyrics should be “insert any big retailer is coming to town” such as Wal Mart, Target, or Meijer’s. The song would be more fitting if it were “You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why, Wal Mart is coming to town”. The North Pole is just retail store like Tj Maxx. The North Pole was once a small business company that has been bought out by Amazon. Santa is out of work. The Elves are broke and homeless. Mrs Clause is selling her body to make ends meet. The North Pole is a ghost town. Bring back Santa!
spirit
The Christmas spirt has been too much in our house that I haven’t seen one fight between my step daughter and her mom in awhile. Last week I got pretty close to seeing a fight because she wanted to see her boyfriend but couldn’t so no fight ensued. Instead my step daughter went straight to tears. I want to see an ol fashioned argument not tears. Tears are sad. I don’t want to see someone weep. I want to see a verbal fight. I want yelling, screaming, and kicking. I didn’t become a step dad to see no fights between her mom and daughter. I came to see the main event not a tear show.
take out garb
I believe in inertia. I need to keep moving to be happy. I can’t sit still. If I sit still for a long time I get stuck. I can’t just chill. I wish I could just do nothing and be okay with that but I’m not. I need to feel accomplished or I don’t feel like I’m doing anything with my life. I can’t watch TV for more than 30 minutes before I start feeling like a waste. I just want to rest and relax but my body says no. I don’t have to solve world peace I just need to take out the garbage several times a day.
doogie howser moment
All I want for Christmas is more stepdaughter and mom arguments that will put me in the Christmas spirit. I will act like I won’t listen to them but I will when I’m brushing my teeth and taking out the garbage. The key to life is to keep moving. Keep the energy flowing even if it’s just taking out the garbage. Make sure you’re on the nice list because TJ Maxx is coming to town. The only thing that would ruin my Christmas is if I had to eat a honey glazed ham.