something I have two of
toothpaste
my reaction: I own two tubes of toothpaste which makes me feel like I’m living a life of luxury. I’m not a celebrity that has a collection of classic cars, fancy paintings, or exotic animals but I do have a collection of toothpaste. It makes me feel like I’m better than people. I use whatever tube I’m in the mood for. If I feel like they should be extra white then I use the whitening toothpaste, but if I want extra fresh breath I use the minty, and if I feel like bad breath I don’t brush them at all.
orange ya glad I got cones
I’m going to start storing orange cones in my car just in case I need to park illegally. I saw a service vehicle park on the street then put two cones in between his van. I’m pretty sure he just wanted to park illegally to get lunch at the place he parked in front of. I was jealous. I need big orange cones that command respect. I want cones that when people see they think, “oh that guy is doing something important”. I want cones that scare away the parking meter man. You need extra large orange cones that put fear into people. If I get cones like that I will be able to park anywhere I want.
veggie-plaining
I like when fit people explain how they cook healthy to people who aren’t healthy. They go in depth about how they cook vegetables. It’s almost like thier mansplaining how they do it. They say, “First I buy veggies, cut up veggies, cook veggies, and then eat veggies.” It’s not that hard to cook healthy. It’s hard to eat healthy but not cook. Cooking healthy is just cutting and heating up veggies. People always say if you want to eat healthy you got to plan in advance. Why do you have to plan? Just fry up some veggies and cook some rice. Why does planning need to be involved? Just don’t plan to eat a Twinkie.
whole mad
I like watching customers get mad at Whole Foods. Customers shouldn’t get mad at Whole Foods. It’s the best grocery store known to man. They have the freshest food, a nice meat selection, and a decent bakery. It’s like hunters having the best hunting spot on their land. It’s like gatherers having the best area to pick berries at. Whole Foods is a place you shouldn’t complain at. The place you can complain at is Trader Joe’s. Trader Joe’s is just Aldi with different packaging.
annual friend
I’m okay with seeing my friends once a year. I’m perfectly fine seeing them here and there. I honestly don’t mind. If I see them too much I’m not sure we will have anything to say, but if I see them once in awhile it will be a good conversation. We won’t waste our time talking nonsense. It will be a very efficient. I like being efficient. I don’t want to waste our time talking about things that don’t matter in life. I want hard hitting news. I was juicy gossip. I want heart to heart convos. You don’t get that if you see someone everyday. The only person I see every day is my gf so I talk a lot of nonsense.
anger mis management
I play in a recreational basketball league and one of my teammates told me I need a therapist because I got angry. During a game my opponent took my ankle out accidentally while we were chasing down a rebound. I got mad and reacted as if I was going to throw the ball at him. I don’t remember doing this but my teammate told me it happened. I didn’t throw the ball at him. The other player then got mad at me even though I made no contact with him. This guy could’ve broke my ankle but I was the bad guy for reacting. This guy was mad because I was mad.
doogie howser moment
Would you be able to hang out with your friends every day? I don’t think I could. I would have to put up an orange cone near me so my friends wouldn’t come near me. I would have to talk about the importance of veggies and they definitely wouldn’t come near me. No one wants to hear people talk about vegetables. I know anger has come up in this blog, but I’m not an angry person, life is good, I own two tubes of toothpaste.