something i say before my gf leaves for work
my life is harder than yours
my reaction: I’m finding new ways to annoy my gf. I like to play the victim card. Who doesn’t? It’s the era of victimization. I just say asinine things to see if she is just as petty as me. She never takes the bait. She just goes “no you don’t” and walks out.
young g
I want my son to be a teen dad. I don’t want him to have kids at 15 or 16. Technically, he can be a teen dad at 18. I had kids in my late 30s, so my son needs to make up for lost time. I want be a grandpa in my mid 50s. I want to be a young grandpa. I don’t want to be an old grandpa. I won’t be able to enjoy being a grandpa while I’m sipping food out of a straw. My real goal is to be a great grandpa. I want to see my son be grandfather. I think he would make an awesome grandfather.
average day
We’ve been having great weather for fall in Wisconsin. Usually, it’s a lot colder by this time of the year but it has been quite warm. A lot of people will tell me to “enjoy the day” when it’s warm. I don’t want to enjoy the day. I’m actually sick of enjoying the day. Can’t people tell me to have an average day or just have an okay day. It would be less pressure. I don’t like when people tell me what to do. I understand it’s a nice day. I know how to enjoy it. I didn’t forget how to enjoy a day. I don’t need the reminders to be outside and enjoy the day. People should tell me to enjoy the day when it’s rainy or when there is a snowstorm. That’s when you should really enjoy life.
too far
I asked my son if we should prank call one of my friends and he said “yes.. let’s do it’. I asked him what we should say and without blinking he said, “tell them someone died”. I told him maybe we should think of something funny. That’s not really a prank. It might make the person sad. We squashed the whole prank call idea after that. I didn’t want to call one of my friends and say, “hey guess what so and so is dead” and then hang up the phone. I’m not sure how we could laugh at that even though it did make me laugh.
in house therapy
They say nature is the best therapy for mental health. I disagree. What if you’re lost? What if you’re in the middle of nowhere and you can’t find your way back home? That would be the worst therapy. What if you’re in nature and you get stung by a bee? Nature would be inflicting pain on you. What if you were being mauled by a bear in nature? Nature is not the best therapy. Being in your living room is the best therapy. You can’t get attacked by coyotes in your living room. Being safe on a screen is the best therapy.
minivan man
I sometimes get bored with my life so I have odd aspirations. I want to live the lifestyle of the Kia Boyz. The Kia Boyz are a group of kids that steal Kia’s. They go around stealing cars for fun. That’s there therapy. I want to copy the Kia Boyz. I want to start my own group of car theives. I’m going to be in a group called the Dodge Dadz. We are going to steal minivans and do chores. We will pick up groceries, drop the kids off at practice, and run errands for our wives. We will be feared by single men everywhere. We will the greatest Dad gang ever and put positivity in our community (unless we steal your minivan).
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I want to bring phone call pranks back. I want to do the pranking. I don’t want to get pranked. I don’t want to get pranked by my son. He’ll call me and say, “hey dad, I’m going to be a dad” and he hangs up the phone. “Wait, I’m not going to be grandpa???”. I would have to enjoy the day on a nature walk just to deal with me not being a grandpa. I wouldn’t accomplish my dream of stealing him a minivan. I couldn’t be a Dodge Dad and that’s why my life is harder than my gf’s.