something I love to wear
sweatpants
my reaction: I love that sweat pants are a trend. I love that you can wear sweats out in public and not just at home anymore. I can wear sweats to work, social events, and family affairs. I never want to wear a pair of jeans again. I’m at peace wearing sweats for the rest of my life.
the big game
I love watching sports. It’s fun. I always ask my friends what they are doing on game day and they respond, “getting ready for the big game”. How do you get ready for the “big game”? Isn’t getting ready for the big game just waiting. You’re just waiting for the big game to start. You throw some sweats on, order pizza, and sit on a couch. That’s getting ready for the big game. There’s nothing involved in getting ready for the big game.
cardboard a la carte
I took my 2 year old to the zoo on a rainy day. It was the best time to go. There was zero annoying kids there. It felt like the zoo was closed. I was able to zip through the zoo without being annoyed by some bratty kid. We went to the monkey exhibit which is my favorite. We got to see a gorilla eat lunch. It was eating cardboard. I thought this was one of the smartest primates out there. I thought we evolved from monkeys. We evolved from something that eats cardboard. I guess I shouldn’t knock it until I try it. I’m going to eat cardboard for dinner tonight. Mix a little rice and beans with it and I got a meal.
ketchup water
My Aunt used to water down her ketchup to make it last longer. This was the 90s but it felt like we were living in the Great Depression. She would put water in the bottle when it got low. I was a kid then so I didn’t think it was wierd. If you have a bottle of ketchup you are not struggling. Ketchup is a sign of wealth. If you got condiments, you’re doing okay. Now that I think about it, the watery ketchup wasn’t that bad. I shouldn’t judge my Aunt for doing this. I’ve been watering down my body wash when it gets low. I water down my hand soap when it’s low. I’ve been bathing in watery soap for the last couple of years. Now I know why I stink so much.
wife back
When I first dated my current gf she was fresh off a divorce. I was always scared to go to her house. I thought her ex was going to knock down the doors saying, “I WANT MY WIFE BACK!”. I was always nervous going there for the first couple of months. I didn’t want to get beat up in his old house by him. Luckily, it never happened. I’m glad I was able to get over this. He is now happily married. We share holidays with him. He still hasn’t said he wants his wife back. I guess that’s a good thing.
wack riley
I coached my 7-year-old son at a basketball league at the YMCA. We finished 5-0. We went undefeated. It just shows you how bad the competition is. I’m no Pat Riley or Phil Jackson. I’m not a basketball guru. I’m no expert. We just got really lucky. We got one kid who was bigger than all the other kids. He didn’t travel or double dribble. He knew how to finish a layup. I hope I get that really good kid again because he made me look like I knew what I was doing.
doogie howser moment
In summary, I’m wearing sweats all day everyday. I’ll wear sweats to the zoo on a rainy day. I’ll wear sweats coaching my son’s basketball team. I’ll get ready for the big game by putting on my sweats. I’ll wait to get beat up by my gf’s ex husband in my sweats. In conclusion, I won’t water down my ketchup in sweats because I don’t want to ruin my precious sweats.