something people say when they need to make a big decision
let me sleep on it
my reaction: If I have to make a big decision I don’t want to sleep on it. I don’t want to think about anything. I’d rather just sleep. I don’t want to sleep on anything but a bed.
bird watching me
I like to start the day by working out. I’ve started to work out in my backyard because it’s summer. I will work out with my shirt off. I’ve noticed that birds have been flocking to see me work out. I’ve felt objectified by these birds. Every time I pop that top birds will come and flock. There are about 3-5 birds chirping at me every morning. I think they are checking me out but they could be ripping on me. They could be saying “chirp chirp…this dude thinks he’s strong. this dude got no muscles.” I got all these ugly birds judging me. Don’t they have anything better else to do. Fly away. I hope you get electrocuted on the wire you’re perched on.
love me some me
I love hanging out with myself. I love being with me. But sometimes I get sick of me. Sometimes I don’t want to hang out with myself. But I can never leave me. I’m always with me. Even if I hang out with other people, I’m still with me. The only way to ignore me is to fall asleep. That’s the only time I forget I’m me. Every day I wake up and I’m reminded that me is with me. Shoot, I’ve known me for over 40 years so of course I’ll get sick of me sometimes. Most of all I like hanging out with me. Me is fun. Me is my guy.
run couple
I see a lot of couples running together. I’m glad my gf is not a runner. If she was we would have to run together. It’s tough to run. My breath gets heavy and my legs get sore. I’m so glad she doesn’t want to go for runs. I’m glad she is not trying to run with me. It would be difficult and annoying. She would breathe heavy. I would breathe heavy. She would try to talk. It wouldn’t work out. I go for runs to run away from problems not run and make problems.
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sorry floor
I peed on the bathroom floor at work and I apologized. It was a good amount of pee. It wasn’t a trickle, it was a puddle. I told the floor “sorry” like it was a human. I apologized to the floor like I hurt its feelings. I apologized because I’ve peed on that floor several times before but never said sorry. It was time to say sorry to the floor. I needed that floor to know. I wanted that floor to forgive me. The bathroom at work has been so good to me. Treat your work bathroom with respect. It in turn will treat you with respect.
double dip
If I was a rapper my name would be “Double Dip”. Double Dip is a hardcore rapper name. If you double dip and get away with it, that’s gangster. I’m going to start a rap group called Bag Of Chips and my partner will be named Chip Clip. Anyways I don’t understand how people double dip still. You couldn’t get enough dip on that chip that you had to go back. Just get a new chip. Eat the chip without dip. You can eat a chip without dip.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I love starting the day by working out because I don’t have to run with my gf. I get to hang out with myself except for the birds objectifying me. Maybe I need to hang out with people more. Things are getting weird. I think I’m a rapper named Double Dip. I’m apologizing to bathroom floors. I think I’m going to socialize more but first I need to sleep on it.
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