something that distracts me when talking to another guy

their nose hairs

my reaction: I was talking to a middle aged man and I hard time focusing because his nose hairs were out of control. I kept staring at them. I wasn’t able to complete a thought. I just kept repeating myself. His long protruding nose hairs were staring me down making me uncomfortable. Guys, please trim your nose hairs so I can have a decent conversation with you without being grossed out.

vita-women

I’m starting to take women vitamins. Women statistically live longer than men so why not take vitamins specifically formulated for women. I’m not sure what makes them ‘women’ vitamins. I’m not sure if there even working. However, I’ve noticed that I’ve been growing a nice rack. I’ve been really emotional. Wait, I’ve always been emotional. Emotion is my middle name. I think I’m already a woman. I don’t need these women vitamins. I was just taking them because they were in the cupboard and they tasted good.

vape world

Every store is turning into a vape shop. There are so many vape shops in the city. All the places I used to go are now vape shops. My old bicycle repair shop is a vape store. People are turning in their bikes for bongs. Even my old Eye Doctor is now a vape shop. A bank down the street from me is now a vape show. Soon I will go to the hospital and that will be a vape shop. “Hey where’s ER? I’m bleeding from head”. “This is a vape shop bro. You wanna buy a vape pen?” I’ll go back to my childhood home and it just might be a vape shop. “Hey where’s my mom?” “Oh… she’s stocking vape pens in your old room”.

inflavtion

I need to stop complaining about food prices when I go out to eat. Eating out is a privilege. I get the opportunity to eat a meal prepared by someone else, don’t have to cook, or do dishes. I’m stimulating the economy when I go out to eat. I’m stabilizing the employment rate by going out to eat. I’m not sure why I still complain about food prices. It’s 2025. It’s almost 2030. We don’t live in the 1920s anymore when a burger was a nickel, a beer was a dime, and a house was $300. I like that food costs a lot of money. I value it more. If I went out for sushi and paid $2 for a salmon roll I probably wouldn’t live to tell this story.

ragging on me

I think my step kids are messing with me. One of my step kids always takes the dish rag from the oven handle and throws it on the table when she is done. It’s a huge pet peeve. I think if she sees something clean she has to mess it up. Why can’t the rag just stay on the oven handle after use? Why does it have to be bunched up and thrown on the counter top? It’s a rag of annoyance. I’m going to gorilla glue the rag to the oven. I’m going to tie the rag to the oven handle so no one can remove it. That’s my only solution. I could tell her to not do it but that won’t work. I need to be extreme.

nu fear

As I get older I’ve been developing new fears. I have this new fear of missing people’s birthday. I wake up thinking ‘oh my gosh… I just missed this person’s birthday’ but then realize it was no one’s birthday. Phew. I take a sigh of relief. I don’t why this is a fear. I guess I don’t want to let anyone down. I really want to wish people a happy birthday. I don’t them to forgot I’m thinking about them.

doogie howser moment

In conclusion, I’m hoping the more women vitamins I take will decrease the amount of nose hairs I grow. Maybe if I take more women vitamins my gf will take me out for an expensive dinner unless our favorite restaurant turns into a vape shop. No no no. I will take her out for dinner on her birthday and not have to worry about random rags on our kitchen table.