remember when people said….
“Get Money F*ck B*tches”
my reaction: I do. I remember being at parties in college when some random wannabe from the suburbs would utter “Get Money F*ck B*tches” out of the blue and out of context. I would kinda uncomfortably fake laugh to appease them. These tools are the same types of people who say YOLO. I feel like “Get Money F*ck B*tches”paved the way for the YOLO generation. It was the first YOLO. These “Get Money F*ck B*tches parents breeded the YOLO generation. Remember the generation before us paved the way for the generation that’s upon us. So with that being said there’s no YOLO without Get Money F*ck B*tches.
mr. Christ
There is a guy who works in the same office building as me named Thomas Christ. Thomas Christ? With the last name Christ he has be related to Jesus somehow? If Jesus had a brother, a real brother that is, then Jesus would be Thomas’s great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great Uncle. I feel bad for Thomas, Jesus is a tough act to follow. Thomas has got some big shoes to fill. Unfortunately, Thomas is working a dead end office job. Jesus has got to be shaking his head in heaven like “damn… I’m the Son of God…I died for your sins….performed miracles…and your just pushing paper in a cubicle?”
wax man
I have an insane amount of ear wax. If a girl looked into my ear before they slept with me I would’ve never had sex. I would never been a dad. I would still be a virgin. My wax is that gross. It’s a instant turn off. It even turns me off. I don’t even want to touch myself after I “q tip a waxy” out my ear. Everyday I’m excavating copious amounts of wax. I wish there was a cure. I need to hire an elf to siphon out my wax.
no men
Do you think guys would pleasure themselves more if no semen came out of them? Yes, I think they would do that a lot more. Semen is a jerk off deterrent. It just makes things messy. Guys would do it everywhere- school, work, church. You could be talking to your best friend and he’d be like “yeah I just jerked off 3 times since we’ve been talking”. Don’t be surprised if some guy or girl scientist genetically alters men to accomplish this phenomenon. It’ll be called the “no blow boner”.
high write on clean toilets
I love peeing in a clean toilet. There is something calming about it. It’s therapeutic. Clean toilets make me feel clean. It feels Godliness. You pee in a dirty toilet, you feel gross. You pee in a clean toilet, you feel great. You pee outside, you feel free or get arrested. This section has been brought to you by weed.
pulling back the curtains
Alton Lister was selected by the Milwaukee Bucks in the first round (21st overall) of the 1981 NBA Draft. In the 1982–83 season, Lister received 5 points in the NBA MVP voting even though he only averaged 8.4 points and 7.1 rebounds and started in 37 games. I’m not sure how he received 5 votes with those numbers. Did they vote for him as a cruel joke like how they vote the loser in High School to be Prom King?
doogie howser moment
I’m glad I’m not related to Jesus. I’m glad Jesus is not keeping tabs on me. Could you imagine if he read this blog? He would either laugh or be real offended. He would be like “stop talking about boners that don’t blow, your ear wax, and a guy named Thomas who is not my nephew. Also, stop being a wuss…Get Money F*ck B*tches”.