overheard thoughts in my head
“we never carved pumpkins when we were kids… we were too poor… instead… we carved cucumbers… we were poor but healthy”- me in a different universe
You ever order a everything bagel and it was just a something bagel?
I never saw a turkey and a pig and said, “wow that would be good between 2 slices of bread”.
Phone and Internet companies are all getting hard ons because 5g is coming. I’m not. I’m getting flacid, literally. That’s going to be a lot of radiation. I guess I won’t need a vasectomy then.
parent watching
I think parent watching is better than people watching, especially at the playground. Parents are dumber than their kids. This one parent had sweats on that said “Property of No One”. Sorry but I can see why your property of non one. Ain’t no one claiming you. When she left the park she leashed her 3 year old daughter. Most of the times you see a kid leashed it’s a boy not a girl. I understand the whole leash thing. You don’t want your kid to run into the street. But maybe the kid needs to learn the hard way. It wasn’t that bad, it was one of those leashes that attach to a back pack so it makes it look more humane. You can’t spank you kids but you are able to put a leash on them like a dog? That kid should have a pair of pants that say “Property of No One”.
Hiroshima
I saw a book at the Little Free Library at the playground that shouldn’t have been. It was Hiroshima. You would think that the Little Free Library at the playground would have all children’s books. You don’t want to lure adults that don’t need to be there. Hiroshima is about the story of six survivors of how the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. You know, a light read. A story you can read to your children before they go to bed. A nice little story to instill fear for the rest of their lives. I should’ve taken the book out but I didn’t. I left it.
naked whopper
I see “Now Hiring” signs everywhere these days. What place isn’t hiring? Do you really need a sign? Every fast food restaurant in America is hiring. The thing is you don’t need any experience. Gone are the days of experience. Now, it’s no experience necessary. Soon, they are going to get rid of interviews and applications. All your going to have to do is just show up and if you donshow up, you get it. You could show up naked and Burger King would slap some khakis and a shirt on, and tell you to start flipping whoppers. It’s not rocket science. It’s flipping meat.
the gang in fog
It seems like every mystery Scooby-Doo and the gang have to solve involves fog. There’s always a mist in the air. If I saw a mysterious fog that’s when me and the gang turn around. Nothing good comes out of fog. It could be a gaseous cloud of chemicals. It could be a chem trial by Monsanto. It could be crop dusting. I’m staying away from those misty fogs. Who thought that would be a good place to inhabit? A place with a consistent fog. Who were the founding fathers of all these towns Scooby goes to? Why did you inhabit a place that has horrible weather? You could’ve settled anywhere but you chose to make home in a place where there is always fog.
sleep at night
I like when people go off on tangents about politics and then say, “well… whatever makes them sleep at night” referring to the politician they disagree with. I don’t think that politician is in his bed with a smile on his face just before bed and is like, “ahh.. I’m glad I screwed over millions of people today. That’s going to be great for my REM”. I’ve never wronged someone and been like, “well… telling that person off at work really made me sleep good last night. It’s better than taking a ambien.” I would be the opposite. I would be ridden with guilt and shame. You know what makes me sleep good at night, having a good day.
Pulling back the curtains
No player in the NBA has worn the number 79. But… Did you guys know that Scooby-Doo’s real name was Scoobert? Scoobert Doo. What a dumb name? No wonder they called him Scooby. I guess they could’ve called him “Bert” as well but that doesn’t have a good ring. Was “Doo” his last name or was that part of his first name? Scooby Doo was also a Great Dane. Didn’t seem that great to me. He was always scared. He also was in a show called “Scooby-Doo Where Are You!” Was Scooby always lost? Last time I checked he wasn’t. The show wasn’t based on looking for a lost dog named Scooby Doo. These are the things I wish I didn’t put time and effort in at 4am in the morning.
doogie howser moment
If you’re driving your car somewhere and see a mysterious fog, turn around, there’s nothing good ahead. Go back home. Don’t try to be the hero and solve whatever mystery your trying to solve. Plus, you won’t be able to people watch in the fog. You won’t be able to see Burger King’s Now Hiring signs or Little Free Libraries that have books on Hiroshima. Most of all you won’t be able to see kids with leashes on. But if you ever decide to put a leash on your kid, I hope you sleep good at night.