something I call my gf
my illegal wife
my reaction: I call my gf of 12 years my ‘illegal wife’ because we are not married. However, we have been living together for 10 years and have kids. We are a legal couple but we are illegally a married couple.
kids lunch
My gf makes our teen daughters lunches each morning. After she makes it they will go through the lunch and add more sugary snacks. They will add cookies, brownies, or extra fruit snacks. They will also add more salty snacks such as chips or pretzels. At that point it’s not a lunch anymore. They just have a lunch box full of snacks. We should rename it to packing snack not lunch. I’m not sure how they have energy and get through the day. It looks like they are going to a slumber party instead of school with all the snacks they have.
driving face
You ever notice when you’re driving by an intersection and the person waiting for you to drive by just looks at you with a dumb face. They look so dumb. There face looks so dumb that they look like they shouldn’t be able to drive. They should get their license revoked just from looking dumb. They have a blank stare and their teeth are exposed. Stop exposing your teeth and squinting your eyes. I wish their car window was tinted. The faces I’ve seen when I drive past people make me not surprised by all the accidents out there.
phone hypnosis
Phones are a form of hypnosis. People are hypnotized by them. The users are in a trance. Honestly, I don’t like to interrupt people while they are on their phones. I don’t want to be disrespectful and be intrusive. I want to respect people’s time while they are ignoring me for their phone. I’m very cognizant of their screen time. I know it means a lot to them. People on their screens are going to remember their screen time years from now and say, “ahh remember when I was on the screen for 12 hours a day and didn’t socialize with anyone… those were the days”.
new parents
My son is on a new soccer team. I always get a tad bit anxious when my son starts a new sports team because I have to meet a whole new set of parents. I just met all the parents from his previous sports teams and now you’re telling me I have to start all over. Come on I have to act professional in front of all these people again and act normal. I like divorced parents. I love watching divorced parents at kid’s soccer games. I love seeing tension. It truly puts me at ease. That’s my cure for anxiety. It’s seeing people struggle, fail, make mistakes, or be in a bad mood. Screw medication show me a couple that’s newly divorced
un wich
My father in law goes to Jimmy Johns, a sandwich shop, to get an ‘unwich’. An unwich is a sub sandwich but without the bread. It’s like going to a liquor store to buy soda. An unwich uses lettuce for the bread. He also owns a gun. He’s a rancher. He looks like a cowboy. He reminds me of Yosemite Sam. He has a huge mustache and wears Wranglers. None of those things scream no carbs. I thought guns and gluten went hand and hand. I didn’t realize people with guns are on diets. I thought people with guns are trying to reduce the population not there waist size.
doogie howser moment
In summary, I love the name unwich. It’s one of my favorite made up things. I wish I could un a lot of stuff just like how my step kids un their lunch. I want to un the dumb faces of people who look at you while they drive. I want to un meet new parents at soccer games. I want to un phone everyone. Let’s un the world.