something my son did at school
Gave another kid the middle finger
my reaction: I got an email from my son’s first grade teacher stating he accidentally gave another kid the middle finger. Accidentally? You don’t give the finger on accident. The only time you give the middle finger is on purpose. Was my son like “Oops… I was supposed to give you the ring finger, not the middle…my bad… I don’t hate you.”
sleepy insubordination
I haven’t gotten much sleep lately. The only benefit of being tired is that I don’t have the energy to tease my gf. I don’t have the brain power to make fun of her and get in trouble for saying something I shouldn’t have. Even though I’m just going through the motions we are also at our happiest. It’s been a blessing in disguise. I can’t function throughout the day but we are getting along great. I hope I get some sleep soon because I miss roasting her.
house of gravy
Our family hosted Thanksgiving this year. When you cook 10 different foods in your house it’s going to smell like Boston Market. Our house ended up smelling like mush for the next few days. I’ve been bloated all week. I could smell mashed potatoes and stuffing when I went to bed later that night. It’s not a scent I want to fall asleep to. I don’t want smell butter before I go to bed. I don’t want to be reminded of gravy before I catch some zzz’s. I ate so much at Thanksgiving that I no longer forward to future Thanksgivings anymore. I don’t want to be thankful for the rest of my life.
turkey not trot
I see a lot of families go on walks during Thanksgiving. Do families only go on walks together during Thanksgiving? I’ve never seen families walk together during other times of the year. No one is walking on Easter Sunday or Christmas. I guess all the food has pushed them to be active. What’s their thought process? I guess we ate so much that I guess we have to exert some effort and move.
the gift of cleanliness
I was at Meijers doing some quick shopping for toiletries. I say quick because the longer I’m there I feel like my IQ declines significantly. I get dumber by looking at all the unnecessary things people buy. I felt like I was amongst peasants and became one. The clientele does not make any effort in trying to look somewhat presentable. I was there so long that my college degree was revoked. There are so many Christmas themed gifts that revolve around hygiene at that store. I love how hygiene products are a gift idea. Soap is a gift. Shampoo is a gift. Deodorant is a gift. Miejer’s is letting all their customers know it’s time to take a shower.
trees for less
We got our Christmas tree last Sunday. We don’t do fake trees, only real. We like to get a fresh tree that’s been growing for years and then have it killed for our enjoyment. We went to get our tree at a place called Trees for Less but the tree was $70. That’s not a tree for less, that’s a tree for more. However, there was free hot cocoa and chips. You already know I took an extra bag of chips. There was also a free wagon ride and pictures with Santa so that lessened the blow. We got the tree early enough in the season so I would get my money’s worth. If the tree lasts in our house for 30 days that means the tree will cost me $2.33 cents per day. That’s the only way I can justify me buying a $70 tree that my family doesn’t appreciate.
doogie howser moment
In summary, does anyone ever accidentally give the middle finger to someone? You give middle fingers on purpose. I should give the middle finger to buying a $70 Christmas tree. I should give it to the people who don’t shower before they shop at Meijer’s. I want to give the finger to eating too much gravy. I’ll never give the finger to anything because my fingers will be too tired to lift up.