the amount of guns my father in law travels with to visit family
three
my reaction: My father-in-law brought three guns with him on a road trip to see his family from Wyoming to Wisconsin. I’m not sure where he thought he was headed. He’s not going to war. He’s going to the Midwest. It’s not the Wild West, it’s the Mild West. We live in a pretty good neighborhood. It’s hard to enjoy yourself when you know you’re father in law can take out you in a blink. I just wanted to eat my waffles in peace not fear.
meat water
Recently, my father-in-law stayed at our house for the weekend. My only complaint was that he doesn’t flush the toilet after he pees. My bathroom smelled like he was fermenting asparagus. I noticed his pee is real yellow. I don’t think he drinks enough water. He is also on keto. He likes eating meat and cheese. If they could liquify meat he would drink it. He was either eating meat or peeing in my bathroom during his visit. I wish he would flush once in a while. I had a toilet full of meat pee.
stepmen
Historians say cavemen had tougher living conditions than people nowadays but I disagree. How many cavemen were stepparents? None. Cavemen were not step parents. Sure, they lived in harsher weather conditions, lived day to day, and had no technology but they never knew the trials and tribulations of being a step parent. They never had to deal with teen step kids. No one ever told them ‘I don’t have to listen to you… you’re not my dad!’. Cavemen had respect. Cavemen had it easy compared to stepparents. They also never dealt with modern technology which causes mental health.
leaky lee
It seems like every week there is a new celebrity sex tape being leaked. I don’t know if I would ever leak a video of me having sex. I don’t want people to watch how sad and pathetic I am. It would turn people off. I would lose my female fan base. It wouldn’t even be a long video. It would be like a YouTube short or TikTok video. For the sake of humanity, I’m not releasing a sex tape so everyone can make fun of me. The only way I would release a sex tape is if it was pitch dark and the sound was on mute.
discount b
I saw a Groupon for generic Viagra. Who the hell wants a generic boner? If I ever get too old to not get a boner I’m not taking a generic boner pill. I want the good stuff. I don’t want a boner to last 2 minutes. I want it to last 2 hours. I want to get things done. I would use my name brand boner pill on doing chores, running errands, and while at work. I would use it as a performance enhancement drug. It would enhance all aspects of my life. It would be purely functional. No generic boner pills for me.
pj talk
My gf was in her pajamas talking to her ex-husband on the phone about her kid’s summer plans. I didn’t have a problem with this situation until I realized she was in her pajamas. Her pajamas consist of a ratty t shirt and underwear. So, she was talking to her ex in her underwear. It made me feel some type of way but then I realized we all talk to everyone in our underwear. We talk to our coworkers in our underwear (it’s just that we are wearing clothes underneath). I guess if I found her naked on the phone with her ex-husband talking about her kid’s future then I would be concerned.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, my father-in-law did not kill me. I’m glad he didn’t. I’m sure if he took a generic Viagra pill he would’ve. He would’ve been frustrated that he wouldn’t be able to make a long sex tape. I bet this is the last time my gf talks to her family in her underwear. I’ll buy her granny panties so I won’t think it’s weird. I still think I have it harder than cavemen because there were no guns when cavemen lived.
hahahahahahhahahahahaha