overheard in a conversation I was in
“you want to pet him… don’t worry he doesn’t have rabies ”- a neighbor to my son and I who found a baby squirrel in her backyard
My reaction: No we don’t to pet your baby squirrel. It’s a nasty rodent. It’s a rat with a bushy tail. What kind of person takes in a squirrel? She felt bad because the squirrel’s parents abandoned it. How do you this was an orphan squirrel? The weirdest thing was that the squirrel was climbing all over her body like a ferret. But even wierder she has been keeping it alive by feeding it baby formula. It was odd. But with all that being said I let my son pet him.
it’s a sham
A bird pooped on my car. No big deal right? Wrong. It wasn’t your standard bird sh*t, it was green. Did this bird have a bad piece of seaweed? It looked like the bird got IBS from a shamrock shake then “shaked” that ‘shamrock’ right onto my car. Shamrock shakes are not even in season yet. It was vile. It looked like a bunch of birds beat the sh*t out of Kermit then left his remains on my car. I don’t mind white bird sh*t on my car, but when it’s green we have a problem.
clean hands
My step daughter washed her hands before she took a shower. I don’t know what’s wrong with my family sometimes. She acted like there was nothing out of the ordinary with that. Some people’s behaviors just irk me and that was one of them. I tried to understand where she was coming from but I couldn’t. The whole point of showering is cleaning your body. Your hands get clean every time you touch soap. There is no need to wash your hands. But anyways I did catch myself washing my hands before showering after I saw her do that. It actually made sense the one time I did it. So I guess the best thing to do is to stop understanding odd behaviors and join them.
strawberry patch
I was perusing Wal Mart for candy and came upon edidle underwear. Honestly….I searched “candy” and edible underwear came up. Please believe I wasn’t searching for ‘edible underwear’. I would never buy edible underwear. I wouldn’t eat anything off another human being. I don’t care what flavor it is, even if it’s avocado and I LOVE avocados. Edible underwear??? Sorry but that will not get me to go down on someone or even eat someone’s @ss. I’m not going to munch on underwear called ‘blue razz azz’. I don’t care how much sugar you jam up someone’s butt. All the strawberries in the world can’t get me to eat someone’s sweating groin area. Never has strawberries gone with tuna.
can I get a chaser with my storm
I saw a local news weather van on the way to work. It was called the “Storm Chaser”. What a crazy job? Driving into storms and letting us know that storms are bad. Isn’t that why we invented satellites and dopplers? Can’t we just watch the Doppler? Storm Chasers…. what an obscure thrill? Not for me. The only thing I’m used to chasing is tail. ohhhhhhh! Just kidding. I’ll chase a sun, a cloud, tacos, but not a storm. That’s where it ends.
your not
I feel like in every blog I write I talk about how I annoy my gf and this blog is no exception. Remember in the 90s people would be like your cool…NOT. You wanna be my friend… NOT. A good way to get out aggression and throw shade at your partner is by saying NOT in front of every mean thing you might say nullifying the hurt. For example, if your in a bad mood from a long day at work take it out on your partner. You can say things like, “your NOT a b word… your NOT a jerk… your NOT an a hole”. It’s a win win for both parties. You get your aggression out and your essentially giving them a compliment.
pulling back the curtains
Spencer, a Georgia native, had an unusual path in college, starting at Georgia, then going the Junior College route to play at Connors State, where he won a national title, then finishing up at UNLV. Life isn’t always a trajectory up, it will spike, then dip and then spike again. He was drafted by the Clippers in 1992 in the 1st round with the 25th pick. His best season came in his second year when he averaged 8.9 points, 5.5 rebounds and 1.7 blocks in 76 games played. He finished his NBA career with the Seattle Supersonics in 1996-97 with just five minutes played. He only played 5 minutes! To him that was probably a horrible year but if you gave me 5 minutes of playing time in the NBA it would’ve been my best year. Someone told me that you don’t learn from having good days you learn from having bad days. That someone was YouTube. I believe Elmore learned more during his last year than anything, but I could be wrong, I don’t know Elmore.
doogie howser moment
I realize I love edibles but not when there in underwear form. Remember to put not in front of negative comments while arguing with your spouse, it’ll save you from sleeping on a couch. And the only time it may be a good idea to wash your hands before you shower is if you touched a squirrel that day.