something I did naked

i cleaned my bathroom

my reaction: I was about to shower and then realized I needed to clean my bathroom. I didn’t want to put on clothes again so I just cleaned it naked. I almost sprayed my testicles with bleach. That would’ve sucked. I could’ve bleached my balls. I would’ve had the whitest balls. I would’ve had Michael Jackson nuts.

rat race

There are too many animated characters that are mice. There is Mickey Mouse, Mighty Mouse, and Ratatouille. Mickey Mouse was one of the first cartoons ever and he was a mouse. Mighty Mouse was a hero that always saved the day. Ratatouille was one of the best chefs in France. All these rodents are accomplished and skilled at what they do. I don’t know about you but mice are gross. They are not cute. There are tons of cartoon mice but only one elephant and his name was Dumbo. We need more elephants as characters. Mice have gotten too much publicity. It’s time to move on Hollywood. I want to see a different animal such as Koala. They may have chlamydia but they are so cute and cuddly.

fan of packs

I recently got a fanny pack as a free giveaway from a sporting event. I didn’t think I would use it that much but it actually has been quite useful. My fanny pack is great at hiding boners. It’s perfect. I shouldn’t have a boner problem in my 40s but I do. I have a boner disorder. I get too many. I need the opposite of Viagra. I need something to decrease the amount of boners. I’d take Ozempic if it decreased my boner count. I’m not overweight or have diabetes but if it knocked off a couple of boners a day, then sign me up.

ex flix

I found out that my 16 year old step daughter broke up with her partner via Netflix. I saw that she changed her profile avatar to the big baby from Boss Baby and her profile name to “depressed child”. This is how I find out what’s going on with my teenagers. You can’t ask them because they won’t tell you but they will give you clues via the screen. I didn’t know if she was trying to be funny or not but she did seem pretty sad. Her Netflix profile was indeed accurate. I didn’t know you could express yourself through Netflix. Apparently, Netflix is the leading app in tackling mental health. Thank god for Netflix or else I wouldn’t know what’s going on with my teen step daughters.

365 ache

My gf will complain to me before I can complain to her every morning. She will either wake up with a headache, be exhausted, or stressed. Once she utters these words I can’t make fun of her. I can’t annoy her which is one of my favorite hobbies. I’m just like ‘dang… she is off limits today. I have to be empathetic.’ She has had a headache for 365 days straight. I’m all out of empathy. I need to set my alarm earlier so I can beat her. I need to wake up and say, “my stomach hurts, I’m anxious, or I’m depressed’ then she can feel sorry for me. I’m going to work on making my life sh*tty so I can get attention and sympathy.

no fashion

I’m at that stage of life in a relationship where if my gf buys me clothes I’ll just wear it even though I may not like it. I don’t care anymore. As long as it fits I’m good. I’m not out here trying to make a fashion statement. I don’t need to express myself through my clothing. I’m too old to express myself through clothing. I just want it to fit good. I just want to be comfortable. That’s all I care about. I could be wearing a “I love being itchy” t shirt but as long as it’s comfy I’ll wear it.

doogie howser moment

In summary, I don’t care about having style as much as I did when I was younger. I’m into function. I’m so much not into style that I cleaned the bathroom naked. I’ll watch Mickey Mouse on Netflix only wearing a fanny pack. Fanny packs are functional. I’m functionally watching TV. In conclusion, I can’t stay up too late because I need to get up to complain before my partner does.