overheard in a conversation I was in
“I forgot that I dated you last night”- me to my gf
my reaction: She ended up saying, “rude”. Which to I replied, “I was sleeping….I don’t know what I do when I sleep”. It’s one of those comments that don’t need to be said at all. I don’t think of her 24/7. I don’t think of anything 24/7. I think of her 12/3. That’s still a lot of time. Sleeping is a time where I don’t have to think. I could’ve said I had a great dream about her last night but that would’ve been lying. The thing is… I didn’t forget I dated her last night… I was just asleep. I blame the act of sleep.
one in the pink
Keep my gf in your thoughts and prayers as she battled pink eye. Don’t worry… she fought and won her battle against pink eye. She was diagnosed with pink eye over the phone with her primary doctor. Is that possible for a doctor to do? The doctor never even saw her eye. I wonder how that conversation went. “How’s your eye?”. “It’s pink”. “Okay you have pink eye. Here a prescription. Bye.” “Bye”. In the end, I don’t think she ever had it. So… she won her battle against a false negative.
boner season
I’m excited that the NBA season has begun. My brother and I love the NBA. We always talk about how it gives us boners. We get so hard thinking about 3 pointers, lay ups, and dunks. Just writing about this is making me excited. We will say, “its erection day!” or “hey man… game tonight.. you hard?” “yep… you?” “yep.” They should rename the NBA to the National Boner Association.
get ‘oat’ of here
I eat oatmeal everyday for breakfast. It’s simple, healthy, and hearty. My step daughter said, “I cant watch you eat oatmeal… it’s too sad”. “Well…I can’t watch you do a lot of things like walking… go easy on your feet… your going to need a knee replacement at age 13… you sound like a giant… Fi Fie Fo Fum”. But I do agree with her…Oatmeal is one of the saddest breakfast meals out there. There is nothing cool about oatmeal. It’s quite depressing. It even looks sad. I guess I like to start my day on the bottom because it can only go up. It can’t get worse than eating oatmeal. It makes me feel gracious to live every day to the fullest… in theory.
flip me on
I’ve been a flip owner since 2000. I’ve never owned a smartphone. The flip phone I bought from Metro PCS last year finally broke. I needed a new one, so I went to the Metro PCS store and bought a new…. Flip phone. I bet you thought I was going to say smartphone. Wrong! I will never sell out. I was due for an upgrade so the phone only cost me $50. Yes, I could’ve gotten the smartphone for $60 but why? I love being inconvenient. Why get something to make my life easier? I love how it’s called an “upgrade”. How is buying a flip phone considered an upgrade? It’s a lateral move. It’s a downgrade. The guy at Metro PCS was a chill dude. His name was Evan which is my brother’s name so I knew I could trust him. We made small talk about phones and what not. We had a good rapport. I couldn’t open the back of my phone and said, “I feel embarrassed”. Here I was…an avid flip phone owner extradornaire and I didn’t know how to access my battery. He said, “no worries…you look like a guy who doesn’t give a f*ck.” Your right I don’t give a f*ck…. until I do.
oh no
My gf presented some pretty exciting news to her daughter by saying, “guess who got engaged!?!?”. Her daughter replied, “oh no…” like the marriage was already over. My gf said, “we did” and she was like “yeah right” like she already has given up on me asking her mom. Maybe she has given up on the idea of love and marriage. She is 13. She is supposed to be naïve. She shouldn’t know how it is to be in an adult relationship. It has it’s ups and downs. The way she said ‘oh no’ just stuck with me. It’s like she has already given up on love. I’m not sure if she is pessimistic, wise, or realistic.
pulling back the curtains
Semi Ojeleye was drafted in the 2nd round by the Boston Celtics with the 37th overall pick. Ojeleye’s parents emigrated from Nigeria to Ottawa, Kansas. He starred at Ottawa High School and in 2013 was named the Parade Magazine National Player of the Year. He currently plays for the Boston Celtics and is known for his defensive presence. Wikipedia states in Game 5 of a playoff series against the Milwaukee Bucks he held Giannis Antetokounmpo to 16 points. I guess that’s his claim to fame. He has a career average of 3.1 ppg, 2.0 rpg, and .4 apg in 13.9 minutes played.
doogie howser moment
Don’t ever forget your in a relationship. Better yet don’t tell your gf you forgot you were in a relationship with her. If you think you have pink eye, go to the Doctors office because you may not really have pink eye if you were diagnosed over the phone. The only time you can say “oh no” is if someone is eating oatmeal, not when there getting engaged, unless the guy proposing was eating oatmeal. Lastly, buy a flip phone.