overheard in a conversation I was in
“they demolished the fentanyl house two houses from us. Wooo!”- my brother
my reaction: This is great news if your my brother. Bad news if you were the owner of this particular fentanyl house. If you don’t know what fentanyl is, it’s a highly addictive and deadly narcotic. It’s a 100 times stronger than morphine. It was designed for people with severe disabling pain post surgery. I can’t imagine living near a Fentanyl house and all the chaos it brings. I get mad when my neighbor’s dog barks.
phone number name
I have my gf’s number saved as “YMCA Katy”. My significant other, the one I’ve been with for the last 12 years, AND the one I have a child with. Yeah, that Katy. You would think the ‘love of my life’, ‘my true love’, and ‘my one and only’ would have a different title than “YMCA Katy”. Nope. We met at the YMCA and her name is Katy. It makes sense to me. I don’t want to confuse her with all the other Katy’s I know. That would get me in hot water with my Katy and the other Katy’s.
linda
I was really perturbed when the cashier at Whole Foods carded me for buying non alcoholic beer. Linda get a life. How do I know her name? Because I had to put a name to a face to the person who would card someone for buying what was equivalent to soda. She scanned my ID, looked at me for awhile, and then gave me back the card. Dude, I’m not an 18 year old trying to buy beer…. fake beer that is! What kinda pathetic teen would get a fake ID to buy fake beer? I get your trying to do your job but I’m 38 not 18. Good luck making your first underage bust Linda.
spoonful
Every night I want to be spooned. I don’t want to be the big spoon, I want to be the little spoon. I’m a needy little b*tch. I know it’s getting redundant. I’m baby wah wah. But what’s wrong with guys getting spooned? Nothing, should be the answer. Now, I realize why girls want to get spooned, it feels great. I want to feel just as loved and wanted as they need to be. Give me a spoonful. I’ll take a tablespoon…a teaspoon…any kinda spoon… put your pinkie finger on me before we go to bed. I just want someone to hold me and my insecurities.
intro to verting
More and more I’m becoming a introvert. Don’t get me wrong. I still like hanging out with my friends, but just not for an extended period of time. The pandemic has been a great loophole for me to shorten hangouts. If I’m getting bored with my friends I usually say, “Run!!!Covid is about to kick in!! We should disperse before we get infected!”
open house
My friend invited me to accompany him to an open house because he is in the market to buy a home. I never bought a house before. I don’t know want to look for. I went for moral support. While everyone was looking at the structure of the house, the walls, and flooring, I was testing the smoke alarms. You can’t overlook the smoke alarms. What if they bought a house and the smoke alarm didn’t work? The house would’ve burnt down. I’m glad I came to offer my 2 cents. I saved their whole family’s life. I also peed in the toilet. I thought about taking a dump but there were other people potentially interested in buying there future dream home.
pulling back the curtains
Frank Brickowski was selected in Round 3 with the 57th overall pick by the New York Knicks in the 1981 draft. He played overseas for his first 3 years in Italy, France, and Israel. He then went on to play for Sonics, Lakers, Spurs, Bucks, Hornets, Sonics again, and then Celtics. He holds career averages of 10 ppg, 4.7 rpg, and 1.9 apg. He helped Seattle make it to the NBA Finals against the Bulls in 1996. He became notorious for his physical defense that led to several technical and flagrant fouls. In 1991, Brickowski was found with an ounce of marijuana at his Montana ranch. News outlets dubbed his home as the “brick house”. Side note: New outlets did not dub his house the “brick house”. I did.
doogie howser moment
They say home is where the heart is, unless it’s a fentanyl home, then it’s definitely not. If you need help looking for a home, don’t buy a fentanyl home, that’s the best advice I can give you. At the end of the day I just want to be held. That’s all a man asks for. I don’t drink so I need to get my comfort in the form of being spooned, but I need to cut this short before covid kicks in.