overheard in a conversation I wasn’t in
“that’s a TERRIBLE call!!!”– gf’s ex husband during his daughter’s basketball game
my reaction: I guess my gf’s ex husband stood up in the middle of the stands and yelled “that’s a TERRIBLE CALL!” directly to the referee after his daughter was called on a free throw lane violation. Everyone in the gym heard him. The opposing parents told him to “sit down”. The refs shook their heads in disgust. My gf was embarrassed, put her head down, and regretted that she was ever associated with him. I wasn’t there but luckily my gf filmed the free throws when the controversial call was made. We reviewed the tape when she got home. We zoomed into her daughter’s feet while she shot the free throw and she did in fact cross the free throw line when shooting. It was not a terrible call. The ref made the right call. The only terrible call was yelling “that’s a terrible call”.
snuggie dream
I had a dream that my gf’s ex husband’s wife was in my Snuggie. She was in my Snuggie rolling around having a blast. I was pissed. The first thing I thought was I’m going to have wash that now. I have no clue why she was in my dream. I assume that she was finding comfort in my Snuggie, but why my Snuggie? I have a theory that my Snuggie was symbolic of me making her feel comfortable. My Snuggie is therapeutic for her. Obviously, I’m reading way to into this. If she is in my dream again, I’m throwing away my Snuggie.
pipe game
My gf was getting our bathroom assessed by a remodeling company because our bathroom needs updating . I thought he was going to assess the situation by himself. It turns out my gf wound up talking to this guy the entire time. I heard a lot of chatter, laughter, and borderline flirting. They were having the time of their lives while I was watching our son. I had a long day so I just wanted to chill. When I say chill, I wanted my gf to watch our son so I could watch sports. After an hour of there “first date” he was ready to give us his estimate. It was going to be $8,000. All that flirting, laughing, and sweet nothings did nothing. That day I learned that my gf can’t flirt the price down. I think I could’ve done better. I could’ve at least brought it down to $7,900.
home goods
I was shopping at the Home Goods store, it’s like TJ Maxx but with household items you don’t need. I don’t remember what I was shopping for but I did I notice that it was full of retired hoes. Full of women that used to be the best hoes in the game. I was just pointing to all the former hoes in my head. “You were a hoe, your a hoe, might be a hoe, your are still a hoe, and your about to be a hoe.” All the ex hoes were there. Apparently they turned in there hoe lifestyle for ‘ho’ing out’ there house with furniture and decorations. That place was full of lady hoes of all ages. If your a single guy looking to possibly hook up, go there, the hoe in them might just come out. You can talk about linens, shower curtains, and then maybe hook up if the hoe temperature is right.
hot banana
While at work I was humming to myself “I have a hot banana” hoping someone would hear me. No one did though. I hummed it several times until it became a little jingle. “I have a hot banana.. I have a hot banana…it’s a hot banana”. I’m glad no one heard me because I work with all females and they could’ve taken it the wrong way. But I was holding a hot banana. My banana was literally hot though. Unknowingly,I placed it near the vent at my cubicle. After several hours my banana was nice and hot. I learned to never put a banana near a vent, because if you do, you will vent about a banana.
too little too late
My gf gave her ex-husband a spice mix for Christmas. I’m thinking to myself “isn’t it a little too late to ‘spice’ things up”. He’s not a good cook. So, it makes sense she gave him spice to hide the burnt flavor of his cooking. A little too thoughtful I might add. I shouldn’t make her look bad though. We have a joint Christmas with her ex-husband and his wife because of their daughters (my step kids). We do a gift exchange and say it’s from the kids but it’s really from my gf and her ex-husband’s wife. There would be no gift exchange if me and him were in charge. It took me 2 months of reflection to think about the symbolism of this ‘spice mix’. I wonder if he uses the spice mix on his new wife when they are making l*ve….I mean food.
pulling back the curtains on Brian Scalabrine
Brian Scalabrine was selected with the 34th overall pick in the 2001 draft by the New Jersey Nets. The New Jersey Nets no longer exist because they were gentrified and moved to Brooklyn. Scalabrine is of Italian descent. He also has red hair. The movies always show Italians with dark hair. I’ve never associated Italians with red hair. How do they have red hair? Maybe it’s all the spaghetti sauce they put on all their food. Mario and Luigi from Super Mario Bros had dark hair. Could you imagine Mario and Luigi as gingers? You wouldn’t take them seriously. He was also nicknamed the “White Mamba”. I assume this had to be a joke because he has career averages of 3 ppg, 2 rbg, and 0.8 apg. He did win a NBA championship in 2008 with the Boston Celtics.
doogie howser moment
Life gets boring. Sometimes you got to spice things up by entertaining yourself at work by saying you have a hot banana or flirting with a plumber. Plumbers are good working the pipe, so why not? If you want to further spice things up, you can go to Home Goods and find yourself a former hoe. Maybe if your lucky you can dream about them in a Snuggie. But if you have a dream about your gf’s ex husband’s wife don’t tell anyone because that’s a terrible call.