overheard in a conversation I was in
“I sell elevators”- a guy I met
my reaction: I never thought I would hear someone say “I sell elevators”. It caught me off guard. I’ve never even thought that was a job. I thought businesses just bought them from an elevator company. What confused me more was that I never pictured this guy as an elevator salesman. He looked more like he sold vacuums.
obedience school
I’m starting a new column where I offer dating advice. My first tip is to never date a person who is a good dog trainer. I could never date someone who works at a dog obedience school. I would end up feeling like a dog myself in the relationship. I would be slowly and secretly be trained as a puppy. Don’t do it unless you want to be treated like a canine. Every time you go to a movie she would be like “SIT” instead of “where would you like to sit?”. Every time you get a desert she would be like “TREAT… TREAT” instead of “What would you like for desert?”, and when it’s time to go home she will say “KENNEL” instead of “would you like to go to bed?”.
stick up
Remember fake stick ups back in the 80s and 90s. A thief would pose as if he had a gun by putting his hand in his jacket and point his finger like he was holding a gun. I guess people robbed a lot of banks this way. All you had to was say you had a gun but in reality it was your hand. “Hey… this is stick up… put the money in the bag… I got a gun in my jacket”. If I was a bank teller I would call that person out. I would be like “you don’t have a gun. That’s just your hand pointed like you have a gun in your jacket… that’s the oldest trick in the book”. Then I would laugh him off and get the other bank tellers involved saying, “you see this guy… haha… he thinks he is going to rob us with a hand pointed like a gun”. But it would be my luck that the guy really had a gun this time and he end up shooting me.
chef dish
I feel like every chef who started a food truck was once a dishwasher. Every story I read about how a food truck started begins with a guy who was once a dishwasher. It’s always from “dishwasher to chef”. I think that’s inspirational but at the same time I also think of all the dishwashers I knew too. I never thought of them as cooks or head chefs. I think they need to omit the part of a chef being a former dishwasher. I realize being a dishwasher is an integral part of a restaurant but when I hear a dishwasher turned chef success story it turns me off. All I think of is all the dishwashers I worked with at Noodles & Co. and how they were drunk, sloppy, and careless. I could never see them being a world renowned chef.
glass blow
I took the old lady (aka my gf) to a glass blowing class. It was her mother’s day gift. I figured we could do something together rather than just give her a card and some future dead flowers. The piece we created was an orb. It looked like a glass ball. We were instructed to hold this long rod and then blow into it. At the end of the rod the glass would form into a ball the more you blew. Needless to say, her ball was much bigger than mine. I guess she is a better blower than I am. Basically, we went to this class to learn how to blow balls.
one person
Too often I hear people say “as long as I helped one person I’ve made a difference”. Isn’t that selling yourself short? So, you helped one person and you made a difference? I think you have potential to help more than one person. You shouldn’t stop there and think “wow… I helped one person, my job is done, and my life is complete. I can go back to being a selfish degenerate”. With that philosophy then you could’ve stopped helping others a long time ago. This world would be sh*ttier than it is.
not pulling back the curtains
Scott Pollard also wore the number 66. I will not repeat fun facts about him. See blog #62 for more info.
doogie howser moment
Life can be up and down just like an elevator salesman. One of my life’s up’s is that my gf doesn’t like dogs. She will never make me be obedient to her. It makes my life easier. One of life’s downs is that she makes more money than I do. But it’s also a good thing because I don’t have to a do a fake stick up to rob a bank. I could just be an underpaid dishwasher who never aspires to be a chef. But it’s not want you do in life as long as you have pride in your work. So with that being said…. as long as I’ve washed one dish in my life then I know I’ve made a difference.