overheard in a conversation I was in
“I’m not going to school today… I’m constipated.”- 8th grade step daughter
my reaction: I’ve never heard that as a valid excuse to not go to school. I feel the opposite of constipation would keep kids from going to school. You have no worry of anything happening if your constipated because nothing is coming out. I don’t think my mom would’ve let me use that as an excuse not to go to school. She would’ve jammed laxatives down my throat until I erupted like Mt. Vesuvius (probably not but it’s fun to imagine).
!
My co workers will always use exclamation points in their emails like they are really excited. For example they say “Hey Curt!”, “Thank you”, or “Sounds good!”. I have a hard time believing they are that excited to contact me or hear from me. I feel like I’m obligated to use exclamation points just so I sound just as interested. In reality it’s super unnatural for me to use exclamation points because I’m not that excited when I’m at work. I definitely feel like I’m forcing it but I do it just so the other person doesn’t get there feelings hurt. I want them to know I genuinely care, so I put a exclamation point and all order is restored.
15
I know a lot of people who complain they are not making a lot of money. They always say, “well… I can make more at McDonald’s, Burger King, or Arbys… they start at $15/hr”. Well, then do it. What’s stopping you? Go to Arby’s and make your $15/hr. Will see how much you really hated your old job then. I worked in fast food for minimum wage when I was in college. I loved it and hated it. I would love to make $15 per hour making roast beef sandwiches and filling up the horsey sauce at Arby’s. I made $7.25/hour making Mac N Cheese and Mushroom Stroganof at Noodles & Co. Don’t for once think that Fast Food workers deserve $15/hour because they do. It’s a fast paced job no one wants to work at. Working in the fast food industry is equivalent of working in the mining industry back in the day. Horrible hours, low rate of pay, and the product can cause extreme health conditions.
60%
I don’t like when successful people say you should live life to the fullest each and every day. I would be so tired if I lived life to the fullest every day. I would have a ‘life hangover’. I wouldn’t get anything accomplished the next day because I would be so exhausted from the previous day. Can I just life life to about 60% to the fullest each day? That sounds like something I can achieve. That’s more realistic. That’s efficient enough. I can still be productive at 60% capacity. I still would get things done just not at the fullest. The toilet might not be clean to the fullest, the food I cook might be cooked to the fullest, or even my relationship with my gf not be to the fullest but 60% is still really good.
2001
I have so many unused condoms from when I was in college. I found an old old box of them in the basement with other random things from my past. It’s kind’ve sad to see a bunch of condoms that went unused but I look at them as collector items. I view them as rare baseball cards from the 2000s. I’m like a kid in baseball card shop. I like to brag to my friends about my condom collection. I got a limited edition strawberry flavored condom from 2001, I got a unused gem mint 10 Magnum, and I got a game worn Trojan spermicide Condom from 2004 when I lost my v. That’s my prized possession right there. With all the retro things being sold like old Nintendo games, Furbies, and Figurines why can’t expired condoms be valuable?
2
I saw what appeared to be a stick family on the back of a SUV. It only had 2 people and a dog that looked like a turtle. At first I thought it was a mom and her son but after looking harder it was a daughter and son. I wondered where the parents were. I felt bad. I thought, “dang are these kids on the run?” Did they runaway from home and take their stick parents off the car? I had a lot of questions. Was this a teen mom with her son? There a lot of modern families. I just want to know where the grown up stick family figurines are. Did they get murdered like Bruce Wayne’s parents? Will they become the next superheros ? Probably not. Bruce Wayne’s parent were rich.
pulling back the curtains
No player has ever worn the number 75. I really want to stop doing this segment. It does not tie into anything I write.
doogie howser moment
I’m really thinking about working at Arby’s for $15 an hour. I would be a lot less stressed and I can bring home food for my stick family. I could work at 60% capacity and still get a raise at work. I would be genuinely excited at work that I would use exclamation points. Then in my spare time when I’m not working I could sell my expired condoms on eBay. And if I ever get constipated I can just have a roast beef with extra horsey sauce.