angel soft intro
There’s a brand of toilet paper called “angel soft”. Are we supposed to assume angels are soft? What if angels aren’t soft? How do we know angels are soft? Is this tissue paper made out of dead angel skin? I don’t know why this is consuming my thoughts. I don’t think angels are soft. They do a lot of flying. I would think there skin is coarse. So in conclusion, maybe angel soft toilet paper is 1 ply and not good after all.
game time
There are companies out there that make games you can play on the toilet. You can play darts, basketball, or golf from the comfort of your bathroom. I guess there’s a market for everything now. How long are you going to be in there that you are able to play a sport? You have that much time to play a game? Maybe instead of buying a game for your bathroom, you should go to the Doctor. Change your diet. Eat Fiber. People got a whole arcade in there now. Pop A Shot. Skee Ball. No need to go Dave & Busters anymore. Just go to your bathroom.
keep it clean
I don’t like peeing in my toilet after I clean it so I pee in my gf’s bathroom. She’s gets mad, rightfully so, but I don’t want to get my bathroom dirty.
scrub a scrub
Scrub a dub has this new deal where you can get unlimited car washes for $13 a month. Seems like a misallocation of personal funds. Do we really need our cars washed that much? What we need is a human wash place just like how a car wash works. It’s where people who stink go and walk through a car wash. They get hosed down with soap, buffed out, and dried.
tub pub
I’m a little worried that I’m leaving too many pubes in the tub after I shower. I don’t want my family to step on them. My family gets grossed out by them. Who wouldn’t? We all do. I’m sure they’d rather walk on a bed of hot coals than walk on a bed of my wet pubes. So, I do the courteous thing by kicking them down the drain with my foot. I’m basically sweeping my little “curly fries” into the drain like my foot was a broom.
neck
I’ve been really focusing on cleaning my neck in the shower after I’ve seen what my neck sweat has done to my white collar shirts. My neck sweat is on fleek. My collars are so yellow it looks like someone peed around the collar of my shirt. The neck is one of the most underrated body part that sweats excessively. We’re always focused on our arm pits. I’ve focused on the neck so much I’ve neglected my other body parts. I may have a dirty butt crack but I have one of the cleanest necks out there.
72 hours
I was watching a commercial for a deodorant company that offers 72 hour protection. You know just in case you don’t feel like showering for 3 days. That’s some potent deodorant. I like how they say “protection”. Protection from what? Beads of sweat? When did you need to be protected from sweat? “Oh no. I’m sweating!” What’s the benefit of not sweating? Sweating is good for you. Do all the things you love and never shower again. Play a game of basketball, go fishing, or wrestle a pig. I thought applying deodorant was a pretty easy thing to do but with 72 hour protection you can do one swipe every 3 days.
doogie howser moment
I know this blog didn’t touch on anything deep or life changing but sometimes you don’t need anything life changing or deep, sometimes you need to talk about toilet paper, deodorant, and tub pubes. Sometimes it’s good to talk about cleaning your neck. If there’s one thing want you to take from this blog is clean your neck. How often do you really scrub your neck? I hope you do after reading this.