maybe mid life
I’m nearing 40 which means theoretically I’m heading for a mid life crisis. I also don’t drink so I will have to do this mid life crisis sober. Can I have a mid life crisis sober? I don’t think I can but will see.
success bottom
Every person I met who has hit rock bottom has found success. They are better people because of being in the dumps. I have only dipped my toes in and out of the deep end. I’ve never fully submerged myself in the abyss of uncharted waters. I wish I have. I would be a lot better person. I wish I hit rock bottom like I wish I’ve gotten shot at to get street cred. If you get shot at and lived you get the ultimate street cred. I want to lose everything and then have a moment of clarity. Maybe my planned mid life crisis will help me achieve that. It’s like I’m trying to manufacture a crisis.
medicinal hands
A lot of my friends jerk off recreationally. I think that’s the only reason people do that. It is a recreational activity. Could you imagine if you did it medicinally to relieve stress because you were prescribed it? Doctors write a prescription that you jerk off in the bathroom twice a day after meals. Instead of taking an opiate to numb the pain take matters in your own hand. Most trusted Doctors recommend 30 strokes per minute. A stroke to prevent a stroke.
just be aware
Every month is a new awareness month. May is mental health awareness month. Shouldn’t that be every month? I’m glad at the minimum that’s all I have to do is be aware. Nothing else. Just be aware of mental health. Don’t do anything. Just be aware. Okay. I can do that.
mental in may
I received an email from my place of work giving tips on how to relieve stress during Mental Health Awareness Month. Each week they will send a email on how to de stress. This particular email focused on strategies on how to alleviate the stressors of grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is not a stressor in my life. That’s not the biggest threat to my personal mental health. Grocery shopping is not a trigger for me. Deciding what fruits and veggies I want is not going to make me spiral into depression. Thanks for the mental health tips but I think I know how to grocery shop. The email went on to say order your food online and pick it up curbside. It also stated don’t shop on a empty stomach. Not sure how I’m going to do that. That’s the whole reason I’m going grocery shopping, it’s because I’m hungry. I’m not going to eat before I shop. It’s not like in college where you pre game before you go out the bar. I don’t need to eat a burger before I hit up Whole Foods.
doogie howser moment
I’m glad it’s Mental Health Awareness Month. I can’t wait for Physical Health Awareness Month in June so I can start getting tips on how to stay fit like getting advice from physical therapists saying people need to walk. It’s sad to say but there are experts in the medical field telling people they should walk. Just thinking about that makes me want to have a mid life crisis. That alone makes me want to hit rock bottom. I won’t hit rock bottom because I know I can relieve stress through medicinal masturbation. No I’m kidding I don’t think I get a prescription for that. Overall, I can put all things in perspective because if grocery shopping causes me stress then maybe I have a really really good life.