overheard in a conversation I was in
“I think all the sad and depressed children should be cryogenically frozen until this pandemic is over”- a co worker at work
My reaction: Actually, not a bad idea. Can you cryogenically freeze me too?
free the bun
I’ve been man bun free for 3 months. I thought I would garner more self respect being man bun free. I was wrong. I’m still the same ole jack. I’ve had a man bun for 5 years. I felt like it was time to cut the bun. I am 38. I am too old for a man bun. I don’t know why they ever called it a man bun? More high school kids had this hairstyle than men. They should’ve called it a ‘boy bun’. Depending on who you asked it was a 50/50 split on if people liked or hated it. Most guys were indifferent, they didn’t care, that’s how it should be. Then, some guys who were judgmental , myself included, hated it. How hypocritical of me? I judged guys with man buns even though I had a man bun. That’s not right. Every time I saw a guy with a man bun I would think to myself ‘that’s what I look like… what a dork…I’m cutting it’. It took me 5 years to muster up the courage to make change. Like many women who ‘freed the nipple’… I ‘freed the bun’.
it’s important
Can people stop sending emails with ‘high importance’? If your email is so important wouldn’t you call? I don’t carry my laptop everywhere I go at work. Get off your high horse. I’m never in a rush to read your ‘high importance’ email with the red exclamation point. Anytime I receive those emails I make it a point to read them last. It’s like your saying every other email is not important. I feel bad for all the other less important emails out there that don’t feel important enough because they don’t get a red exclamation point. Those emails must be so self conscious. I’m going to start sending high importance emails about nothing. It’ll read, “hey… buy me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Non Diary Ice Cream”. That’s a real email of high importance because I’m ‘high’ and is of ‘importance’.
farmer’s tan
Just like I love a good mullet I love a good farmer’s tan. It’s funny to see the contrast of a burnt tan and eye bleeding paleness. The more pale the better. There fun to look at. Quite entertaining. I don’t want a traditional farmer’s tan on my arms. Call me untraditional but I want a ‘farmer’s tan penis’. My penis has never seen the light of day. It looks like an albino goldfish. I want my penis to be tan and my balls to be white as snow. That’s the other farmer’s tan know one talks about. Fellas are you with me?
sober drunk
I’ve been hitting the “NA sauce” pretty hard. I’ve fallen off the wagon or should I say party bus because I’ve been drinking Non Alcoholic beer for the last 2 weeks. I’ve never been so sober my entire life. The first week I was depressed and the second week I returned to complacency. My sobriety experiment was to see if I could survive a week without drinking and I did. The next week I bought NA beer to see if I would get a placebo effect. After one Non Alcoholic St. Pauli Girl, I did in fact have a buzz. I’ve been drinking for the last 20 years of my life so I’ve conditioned my body to getting a buzz. I’ve been sober af, making rational decisions, being home on time, and my relationship has never been better. No more staggering in the door at 2am. No more late night gyros. No more drunk driving. Those all have been replaced with being home by 9pm aka never leaving the house, eating light healthy snacks, and being a stand out driver. Being ‘sober drunk’ has made me a better person and a better loser.
eating the a revisited
I feel like i have to revisit the topic of eating @$$. I need closure and peoples mouths need closure too. I still don’t get it. Why is this a thing still? I’m just glad my parents were born before this trend. I don’t want to envision my parents partaking in this activity. Could you imagine your heroes, role models, the ones who gave you life munching on @$$ chips? Think about all the future parents in 10 years. They will be and always will be known as the @$$ eating generation. They will be the ones molding the youth for our future. Scary. Where do you go from eating @$$? What else is there to do that will top that? You can’t get sicker than that unless you eat the turd. Is that the next trend? Blowing turds? People will go out to a Ponderosa on @$$ eating eve and then the next day on @$$ eating day they will blow each other’s poop. I hope that doesn’t become a thing. I have a vivid imagination. It’s funny how people are picky about food… like they won’t eat onions but they will eat @$$? The only way I’m going to eat @$$ if its like Spinach in a bag… triple washed. Even if its triple washed I’ll be like a worker at a grocery store…I’m wearing a mask.
pulling back the curtains Derek Harper
Derek Harper was the 11th overall pick of the 1983 NBA draft and spent 16 seasons as a point guard in the NBA. Harper played in 1,199 regular season games in his career, tying him for 35th in NBA history. He retired having the 11th-most steals and the 17th-most assists in NBA history. Some regard Derek as one of the best players to never have been selected to an All-Star game. However, he did get his jersey retired by the Dallas Mavericks in 2018.
doogie howser moment
I guess when you call someone out and point out others flaws 3 fingers are pointing back at you. I did this with people who wore man buns even though I had one. I now know I’m wrong. Maybe I should issue an apology over email with high importance. Maybe I need to numb my feelings with real beer again because this Non alcoholic stuff is not working anymore. Farmer’s tans are funny but I never met a farmer with a farmer’s tan. Lastly, If your going to eat a$$, eat a farmer’s butt, it’s farm fresh. Farm to Mouth.