# 11 like Vernon Maxwell

overheard in a conversation I was in

“I’m going to take my mask off…. I feel like a loser”- my friend at the beach amongst hundreds of beach goers who weren’t wearing masks

my reaction: Sometimes you got to chose looking cool over potentially getting Covid-19.

shaking hands

One of the best things about Covid-19 is that I’m not obligated to shake people’s hands anymore. Honestly, I have never been a hand shaker. I think it’s one of the grossiest things to do. Traditionally, I’ve been told to give a nice firm handshake while meeting someone. I’m glad that is being phased out by the covid-19. Fist bumps are back. Elbows are in. Even a wave will do. I’ve never been one of those guys who have judged someone by a handshake. I’ve never been like that guy is a good person, he is really good hand shaker. Why was there a ever a need to grip someone’s sweaty unwashed palm? It should be extinct. It’s obsolete. I would prefer a hug than a handshake even during a pandemic.

bags league

I am in a Bags league which is funny because I am not that good. Bags is a fun tailgating game that isn’t supposed to be serious. It’s also called corn hole for the ‘bag enthusiasts’. The league is actually in my ex co worker’s backyard. I should just say friend but I’m not sure if we are friends. The league is made up of a lot of experienced bag players that I don’t know. So I had to shake a lot of people’s hands that I did not want to. I thought we were over the hand shaking thing? I tend to avoid conflict, so I shook multiple people’s hands instead of saying no thank you. I guess I’d rather get covid than be rude. There were about 12 guys mostly in their young 30s. There was a lot of cock, balls, and rim job talk in simultaneous conversations. I guess it was good to get out of the house, to leave my family, just so I can hear other guys talk about cocks and rim jobs. God bless America!

not keeping my cool

I’m always in search of my new complaint. I’m always looking a way to be offended so I can sound off and complain. I just meander through my household looking for stuff to get irritated by. I take laps like I’m in the Daytona 500 nit picking at things to put my energy in when I shouldn’t. The newest thing I complain about is how the food is organized in the fridge. I hate an unorganized fridge in where everything is tossed around like a tornado went through it. I actually said once, “we have too much food in here”. It makes the fridge look sloppy and you can never find anything your looking for. Do we really need multiple sparkling water beverage choices? My gf loves sparkling water. What’s the point of buying varieties of sparkling water if it tastes like nothing?

somebody stop me!

I see a lot of people refuse to wear masks when they go shopping at Whole Foods. Whole Foods highly recommends you wear a mask but doesn’t require you. Respect the people who work there. Put a mask on. Actually, I don’t care. Your body your rights. The only reason you should wear a mask is to save the public from looking at your dumb ugly face. How do shop for healthy food but not put a mask on? I love it when people wear a mask because I can get away with farting. I’ve never crop dusted more in public than I do now. I’ve farted on so much produce, its not even funny anymore. Don’t eat the carrots, bell peppers, and especially the celery. I have no problem wearing a mask. I’ve been wearing a ‘social mask’ way before I had to wear a mask.

won night stands

My first 4 sexual encounters were one night stands. I don’t think that was a good base of knowing what love is. It sounds cool on paper, makes for a good story, but it’s not that romantic . I had no idea what I was doing. The cumulative time of those 4 instances probably was 10 minutes combined and that’s being generous. I was drunk every time. Why did I even put this in my blog? I guess I wanted to see if anyone would read this far? Plus, it’s juicy hot material.

pulling back the curtains Vernon Maxwell

Vernon Maxwell was selected in the 2^nd round of the 1988 draft as the 47^th overall pick by the Denver Nuggets. He was immediately traded to the San Antonio Spurs but made his biggest impact while on the Houston Rockets from 1990-1995. Maxwell is among just nine players in NBA history to amass 30 points in a single quarter. He was a key member of Houston’s first ever championship in 1994. He got the name “Mad Max” due to his hardnosed defense and clutch 3 point shooting. He held the NBA’s record for most 3-pointers made in a season from 1991 to 1993. He had a fiery demeanor that I can only wish to attain in aspects of my life. Get that “Mad Max Mentality” and you’ll be successful in whatever endeavor you do.

doogie howser moment

I’d rather hug someone then shake their hands even during a pandemic. Find something to complain about. It’s good to vent about someone who can’t organize the fridge. If you don’t bring up how annoyed you are where the ketchup is, it will snowball into a bigger problem and you might get a divorce. Don’t let ketchup ruin your relationship. But if you do break up, you can have multiple one night stands, but remember to wear a mask.