I ponder
Why do dishes that go in a dishwasher come out dirty but when you hand wash them for 10 seconds their clean?
wuss dad
I feel like such a wuss dad when I walk past a contractor working on a house as I’m pushing a baby stroller. These contractor guys are carrying large pvc pipes, 100 pound cement bags, and are covered in man sweat. Then there is me pushing a little baby in a stroller leisurely going about my day. I’m not covered in man sweat from pouring concrete. I’m pushing a 15 pound baby in a stroller around the block in crocs and soccer shorts barely breaking a sweat.
It’s just salt
I have my weed stored in a oregano container in my underwear drawer. How’s that going to fool anyone? That’s super suspicious. You can’t fool a cop by putting weed in a oregano container that’s in your underwear drawer. What a dumb cop if he saw a spice container in someone’s underwear drawer and was fooled by it? “Yeah sarge I didn’t find weed but I did find some oregano in his boxer briefs. This guy must like to keep seasoning in odd places.” That’s like putting cocaine in a salt shaker on a glass table next to a rolled up dollar bill and expecting us to think it’s Himalayan sea salt. After months of smoking the weed in my oregano container I’m beginning to think it’s actual oregano. It think I might’ve forgotten to empty the oregano before I put the weed in.
going all in-sect
I’m starting to get bored again. Well, I get bored every week. I always need to find something new to do just to make life interesting. I’m going to start eating insects. They are high in protein, sustainable, and their carbon footprint is low. I think insects will save us. Everyone is hard for meat, fish, and chicken, I’m going for insects. It’s the wave of the future. I ordered some crickets on Amazon. Who knows what I’ll eat next? Maybe an endangered species like a dolphin,
I thought
It’s been estimated that the average person has at least 6,000 thoughts per day. Some say we have 50,000 thoughts per day. Either way that’s a lot of thoughts. What scientist counted all those thoughts? That’s alot of thoughts to count. I would hate to the guy counting thoughts for that study. I would be bored after the 50th thought. I would start counting all the morbid thoughts I had about doing this dumb study. There’s no way people have that many thoughts. I didn’t think people thought that much anymore. I thought that was a thing of the past.
you gots to chill
Remember when you were young acting hyper and people would say, “you need to take a chill pill”. Maybe someone told you to take one recently. Over the years I’ve been prescribed many chill pills by many different people. Not one of these people were a doctor or in the medical field. You know how many chill pills I’ve taken over the years? Hundreds. I almost overdosed. I took too many chill pills. I was an addict. I’ve been mistreated with chill pills when in fact I never needed them in the first place.
doogie howser moment
Maybe I should get back on chill pills to limit the thousands of daily thoughts I have. I like my thoughts though they keep me from being bored. I don’t like being bored that’s why I think about eating insects and order them from Amazon. It’ll be great I’ll get high off oregano and my munchies will be insects. If I eat insects people won’t think I’m a wuss dad- I’ll be a bad @ss who hand washes cricket scum off his dishes.