# 127 “Cheerios”

off the record

I have a friend who is going to London. He told me he is practicing his London accent by saying, “ Cheerios”. What he really means is “Cheerio” which is a farewell people use in England or at least used to. That’s like if I went to Texas and acted like Yosemite Sam saying “yee haw” to everyone I met. He might get punched in the face or they might just think he loves Cheerios. He told me this all in confidentiality so he shall remain anonymous. He told me off the record and I want to protect his innocence.

angry me

The more kids I have the more angry I get. I have four kids. I’ve never been so angry my entire life. When I had zero kids my anger was low, almost non existent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, it’s just that I’m more angry. I just fill the moments that I’m neutral with more anger. It’s not hate. It’s just anger. I’m not displacing my feelings of happiness with more anger. No no no. I’m just having more anger moments during non happy times.

sign off

A lot of people put signs of politicians on their yard. I would never put a sign up of someone I don’t know especially a politician. I wouldn’t even put up a sign endorsing my friends if they ran for office. I know how they acted in college. I know some of there secrets. I’ve seem them cry. I’ve seem them drunk, make bad decisions when it comes to their health, and make discretionary choices when it came to hooking up. When I say my “friend” I’m really thinking about me.

johnny boy

I don’t know why but I researched John Wilkes Booth, the man who shot Abraham Lincoln. According to Wikipedia, critics called Booth “the handsomest man in America” and a “natural genius”. He was a actor who denounced Abraham Lincoln’s political views. So he shot and killed Lincoln. John Wilkes Booth was only 26. This is why actors should stay out of politics. Now imagine a young actor today who has his whole career ahead of him doing that. That’s like if Zac Efron took out Old Man JB.

nature human

I was watching the nature channel and they make animals seem so majestic. They show the eagle in slow motion, voice overs while cheetahs sprint through the wild , and dramatic triumph music while an Elephant walks. I wish they did that with my life and show me in my natural habitat. I can see it now “Look at the male as he is on his iPad, making ramen noodles, and taking a dump” in slow motion with cinematic music playin in the background.

mom

I dont feel bad for teen moms. I feel bad for moms who have kids in their 40s. Teen moms get to live with their parents, don’t have to pay rent, full of energy, and don’t have to work. A 40s mom is tired, working a job, and going through a mid life crisis. They have to deal with a husband that doesn’t love them. She won’t even see her kid graduate high school.

doogie howser moment

In reality I don’t feel bad for teen moms because they get a reality show. I’m dad in his 40s where’s my show? That would be a entertaining show. The director can show all my anger in slow motion. You can see me look out my window of all my neighbors with political signs to see if they are just as angry as me. Let’s just hope they aren’t as angry as John Wilkes Booth. Have a good week “Cheerios”.