intro
One day while I was driving in the country I kept saying “I’m at peace…I’m at peace” when I really wasn’t.
peeve cream
Being in a relationship for me is hard. I will admit it. After dinner one night I started to write down my pet peeves for my gf. My pet peeves are her leaving a half a cup of coffee on the table every morning, her leaving a dirty spoon in the sink from eating ice cream, and her leaving her clothes on the floor on her side of her bed. It all involves her leaving stuff around. If I keep calling her out she will soon be leaving me. She will just leave me around. Her pet peeves for me involved water. She doesn’t like when I walk through the house after I shower because I don’t dry myself. Well at least I take a shower. She doesn’t like when I leave a sopping wet rag after I do this dishes in the sink. Well at least I do the dishes. She doesn’t like when I put the dishes away and they clank when our baby is trying to sleep. Without me are house would look like a pig sty. I think the biggest thing that annoys me is that she puts sour cream on everything. Put down the GD Sour Cream. Your going to get diary diabetes.
annoy ya later
Like I said in the previous paragraph I’m not good at relationships. I asked my gf “what can I get away with before you decide to dump me?” I want to know how far I can go before she is like “that’s it. I’ve had enough. Pack your bags. Your gone.’ I’m always talking about theoretical scenarios in where she breaks up with me. I think it’s good to ask your partner ‘how far can I go?”. I just want to know how annoying I can be without her leaving. I don’t think she would dump me for being annoying. That would be a funny way to break up. Why’d you break up? He was annoying. Did he hurt you? No. Did he beat you? No. Did he cheat on you? No. He was just really annoying.
god friend
I’m not sure why but people always seem to feel comfortable approaching me. I guess being approachable is better than creepy. I was at my old college campus at the union when someone asked me a question. The union is where the students eat, where the bookstore is, and where people socialize. I went to the union because I was waiting to meet up with a client that I see there monthly. As I was waiting a group of people sat near me and then asked me “if I wanted to join their bible study group”. I entertained the thought but said, “I’m working”. She then went on to ask if I believed in God. She went on to say they meet weekly and talk about their relationship with God. I told them I don’t go to school here and they still were trying to invite me to their bible study. I’m 40 years old. I don’t want to hang out with a bunch of 20 year olds. Why do you want to hang with a guy in his 40s anyways? That’s the part that creeped me out the most.
answer me
I thought about the person who asked me to join there Bible study. Was this my sign? Do I need God? I thought I already have God. I thought about all the people who pray to God. There must be billions of people who pray to God. How does God have time to answer all those prayers? The thing is, he doesn’t. There’s reasons why your prayers go unanswered. If you have a dumb prayer, God ain’t going to answer it. He is so backlogged with prayers. I’m not sure if God has answered any of my petty prayers. My prayers all revolve around me not crapping my pants. Please God don’t let me crap my pants.
xxx
I love spicy food. I bought a beef jerky stick that said “XXX” on the packaging. It was made with a ghost pepper, trinidad scorpion, and carolina reaper pepper. Those are the 3 hottest peppers in the world. The beef stick was only $3 so I thought why not. I took one bite and started gasping for air. I ended up throwing it away. I didn’t need all 3 X’s. I could’ve bought a beef stick that was just one X not XXX. I had a hot hangover the next day. I was in so much pain. I swore I would never have spicy food again. I was curled up in the fetal position, sweating, shaking, and regretting my decisions. I’m upset that they sell something that hot for that cheap. You don’t think something that cheap can be that hot.
doogie howser moment
I think I’ll start praying. I need God. I need God when I’m feeling the wrath of hot sauce the next day. “God please save my soul from the devil’s sauce”. Maybe I’ll meet up with that Bible Study group and talk about my hot sauce addiction. I know they talk about having a relationship with God but I need to work on my relationship with my small intestine first. Actually I need to work on my relationship with my gf. I shouldn’t have pet peeves for my gf, I should have them for myself. My pet peeve for myself is eating hot sauce again and again when I know it’s hot. Don’t worry guys I’m at peace unless my gf is eating sour cream.