overheard in a conversation I was in
“he was an ugly baby… he wasn’t ugly “ugly” though… he had potential…”– my mom talking about my younger brother as a baby
my reaction: I like how my mom clarifies the ugliness of one of her children. He wasn’t “ugly ugly” just regular ugly. Not sure if there is a difference though. I love my mom for this comment. She wasn’t one of those moms who say there ugly baby is cute. She kept it real. Thanks mom. I couldn’t agree more… he was an ugly baby.
gun way
We live in a world where they have to put signs on buildings that say, “No Guns Allowed”. Who the hell is bringing a gun to Subway? What has the world come to? Are customers intimidating subway workers with pistols? “Don’t you skimp on my tuna… there better be enough mayo on my multi grain…. easy on the tomatoes…”. Here’s a thought….Make your own sandwich.
spin your fidge away
Remember, a only a couple of years ago “Fidget Spinners” were all the rage, now there obsolete. Adults would make fun of the kids who used the fidget spinners. Who are you to talk? You have an Iphone which is the ultimate fidget spinner. Now more than ever we need to bring back fidget spinners for the kids. They are in the most fidgety time of their lives. I don’t think there is a time where kids are more fidgety than now? We are in a pandemic. They have been out of school for the last 6 months. They can’t play with their friends. Bring back the fidget spinner! Or be like every other parent and give them a IPAD or as I like to call it the “IDAD”.
Deodo-rant
I don’t wear deodorant anymore. I read a article that it contained harmful metals. I guess I don’t want aluminum pits. I don’t trust people who wear deodorant. What are you hiding? If your hiding body odor, what else are you hiding? A murder? Infidelity? It seems to me like you have a checkered past with sweet smelling arm pits.
don’t shake the hand that feeds you
Since Covid-19 has hit, I have designated one hand for door opening and one hand for eating. Unfortunately, my eating hand is the same hand I wipe with which is also the same hand I greet with. I know. I need to go over a new strategy of designating hands. I need to train my right hand to do all the dirty work. You know… open doors, pump gas, and wipe my butt. Then my left hand can do all the fun stuff like eat, text, and you know the rest. I’m a little bit of hypochondriac in that after I pump gas I will air out that hand I used to pump with out the window on the way home. Somehow, I think that will ‘air dry’ my hand and the germs will blow off. The fear of Covid has hit me in the strangest ways. Disclaimer: wind will not blow Covid off your hand.
New Jersey
I like wearing a sports jersey in the summertime. It’s a fun way to rep your favorite sport team. I realize it’s strange, I understand. I’m wearing another human being’s uniform that I personally don’t know. It only works for sports. You know? You can’t wear other celebrities outfits. I like Tom Hanks as an actor but I would never dress up as Forrest Gump. I can’t show up to the beach dressed up in full suit with a box of chocolates. I would make people feel uncomfortable. I would be asked to leave. But if I show up with a Jordan jersey I would get compliments even though Forrest Gump was a way better person.
pulling back the curtains Mario Elie
Mario Elie was drafted in the seventh round of the 1985 NBA draft as the 160th overall pick by the Milwaukee Bucks but he did not play in the NBA until 1990. Before playing ball in the NBA, he played in Ireland, Portugal, and Argentina. In 1987 he was the Irish League Player of the Year for a team called Killester. I’m not sure how hard that was. I could be the player of the year in Ireland. In the NBA, he was a role player known for his defense and toughness, Elie won three NBA championships: two with the Rockets in 1994 and 1995 and one with the Spurs in 1999. One highlight of Elie’s career came when he hit a clutch three-pointer in Game 7 of the 1995 Western Conference Semifinals against the Phoenix Suns to put the Rockets ahead 113–110 with 7.1 seconds left. The shot is called the “Kiss of Death” by Rockets fans, as Elie made a taunting kissing gesture towards the Suns’ bench shortly after he made it. Fun facts. He played basketball with Chris Mullin in High School. He was cut from the freshman team in High School. He never played D1 basketball. He played for a D2 team called American International College in Springfield, Massachusetts. I never heard of it. I guess the moral of the story is to be a big fish in a small pond.
doogie howser moment
If you have a ugly baby, get a fidget spinner and spin the anxiety of having a ugly baby off, it’s the only reasonable thing to do. Be a big fish in a small pond. Make sure to designate a hand for different activities. Stop wearing deodorant we all know your hiding something. You don’t have to bring a gun to Burger King… no one is going to stick you up for a whopper… we don’t live in the Wild Wild West.