overheard in a conversation I was in
“It’s not what you think…. I’m not going to explain it”- a guy telling my friend after shaking his hand not explaining why he was wearing a mask at the cornhole league we play at
My reaction: Umm… then what is it? We’re in the middle of a pandemic. I would like some kind of answer. Is it covid? Is it a cold sore? The fact that you didn’t want to explain is worrisome. I’m so glad I first bumped him, but even then, I wish I didn’t.
covid 2
The more and more covid hasn’t gone away the more I get worrisome about it. I’m to the point where I wash my hands before I use the bathroom. I do a good 20 second hand wash like the CDC told me. Better safe than sorry. I owe it to private parts. It’s crazy because I never washed my hands before a number 1 or 2 in my entire life. Now, I feel like it’s necessary. I don’t want my dick to catch a pandemic and I definitely don’t my @$$ to get it.
houses are fuller now
Every time I see someone shake hands, kiss, or hug on a TV show I freak out because I forget it was filmed pre Covid. I’m yelling at the TV like a haggard drunk “don’t shake his hands…. your going to get infected…. get away…. 6 feet….why isn’t anyone wearing masks…on Fuller House”. I’m just as concerned that Uncle Jesse will get covid as I am. Yes, I watch a Fuller House and I’m proud of it. I’m actually saddened because I just finished the final season. Surprisingly….it got canceled. In the words of Stephanie Tanner “How rude?”
curiosity might kill the cat
I told my girlfriend that the only reason I want another kid is so I can see what it looks like. I guess that’s not a good idea according to her. I think that’s a great idea for having another baby. I’m just so curious. It’s not like when it’s born I’ll be like “oh that’s what it looks like”, then leave it in a basket on the doorstep of someone’s house and drive away. I will love it and care for it. I’m just so curious that I just might have another kid just to see what it will look like.
popped my therapy cheery
I had my first appointment to see my therapist. The only reason I went was because I got a good deal. No I didn’t find a Groupon for therapy sessions. There wasn’t a therapy sale going on like “Buy 5 sessions get 5 free”. If that were the case, therapy would be the new big Pharma. Therapy would be the hot new opiate all the kids would be doing. Can you imagine your teen kid hooked on therapy rather than pain killers? My first session went good, even though it was just a “get to know each other” meeting. But I didn’t realize that until the end of the session, so I divulged all this personal information about my family, insecurities, relationships, and drug use. I apologized for blabbing but she said you are supposed to blab. The best part of therapy was that it was only a $35 copay. There’s no way I’m paying full price. Sorry mental health… but you have to wait…your too expensive.
under where?
As we get older we shrink. We actually get shorter. I don’t know the science behind why we get shorter. Do our bones get brittle? Is it our hunch? Is it a combo of things? As I have gotten older, my “thingy” has actually shrunk. I’m in my late 30s which is probably too early to give this theory some weight. I didn’t realize this was possible? I thought it couldn’t get any smaller. I thought God would’ve put a cap on it. I thought I met my d**k deductible. My underwear is actually baggy in the front where my crotch is. There shouldn’t be space there. I already wear mediums which is disheartening enough as a man that is 6 foot. My ego is blown enough. I can’t go to small. The next step to small is children underwear. At the rate I’m going I’ll be wearing children underwear by December.
pulling back the curtains
John Salley was selected by the Detroit Pistons in 1986 in the 1st round as the 16th pick. While John Salley wore the number 22 for most of his career he did wear number 16 with the Lakers to win his 4th title of his career. He was the first player in NBA history to win championships with three franchises (the only other being Robert Horry), as well as the first player in the NBA to win a championship in three different decades. He played with the “Bad Boys” of the Detroit Pistons, Michael Jordan of the Bulls, and Shaq/Kobe of the Lakers. I’m not sure if he was considered a “bad boy” but he did play a part in the movie Bad Boys. In 1995, John Salley had a role in Bad Boys as a thick-glassed computer hacking nerd who gets out of jail because he helps crack files for the Miami Police Department He is a vegan activist, chef, and wellness entrepreneur.
doogie howser moment
Don’t shake hands with people who have to explain why it’s okay to shake their hands. Instead wash your hands before you go to the bathroom. Your “essentials” will thank you. You never know if you want to have another kid out of pure entertainment so keep it happy before it shrinks. But if you don’t, then you might end up seeing a shrink for your “shrink”. I wrote this last paragraph on edibles. I also edited this whole blog on edibles. I hope it made sense.