something I get annoyed by
My gf snoring.
my reaction: She seems too young to snore the way she snores. She’s not even a middle aged woman yet. It’s loud and obnoxious. I think she should go to the doctor. I hope she reads this and makes an appointment.
brat freedom
I always get brat breath during the 4th of July weekend. I eat so many brats during this time period my breath smells like brats for weeks. This is the time I go on brat binges. Every party I go to has brats. I not only get brat breath I also get brat butt. Brat butt is the worst. It’s where your butt gets big from eating too many brats. My butt looks like an overcooked brat. Some people have beach bods for the summer, I have a brat bod for the summer.
deep zzz
I wish I was a deep sleeper. There are people who say, “I can sleep through anything.” I wish I could sleep through anything especially a house robbery. I don’t want to wake up in the middle of a robbery. I’d rather have all my valuables stolen than have an interaction with a thief. I don’t want to be put in a situation where I have to defend my family. I’ll defend them if I have to, I just don’t want to lose my life over a valuable that’s not worth it. They say pick your battles, that’s why I’d rather just be asleep when we are being robbed of all our stuff. Keep me in a low risk low reward situation.
sobes up
Last week I went to Summerfest which is the worlds largest music festival in Milwaukee. It used to be my favorite time of the year. I used to be a party animal. When I used to drink I would sneak in ziploc bags of rum in my underwear. I called it crum which is short for “crotch rum”. Half the time the ziploc bag would break and spill all over my balls. I’d have rum soaked balls. All the alcohol would actually burn my testicles. You could probably take a shot off my nuts if you rung them out like a wet dish rag. I don’t drink anymore so I slammed a sparkling water before I went in. It didn’t have the same effect as booze. I didn’t have to sneak in sparkling water in my underwear so that was a plus. I didn’t have La Croix nuts.
diary cashier
I was at the grocery store and noticed that if you’re a cashier under 21 you can’t scan alcohol but those same cashiers can scan cheese to someone that is lactose intolerant. I don’t think that’s fair. Those people are both causing damage to their bodies. They should make diary ID cards for people who can consume diary products such as milk, cheese, and yogurt. I don’t think lactose intolerant people should be allowed to consume diary products. I’m not discriminating, I just don’t want them to go through the pain that I go through when I eat diary because I’m lactose intolerant and I know. Diary might do more damage to someone’s stomach than booze to someone’s liver.
dope is mean
Everyone should do a dopamine detox. Dopamine is a chemical in your brain that’s released when your feeling good. A dopamine detox means giving up tv, video games, and phone for entertainment. In theory, you become so bored that reading, writing, and walking outside becomes fun again. Most people are addicted to their phones because screen time creates high levels of dopamine. It’s an effortless high reward and spikes your dopamine to crazy levels. I can’t relate. I have a flip phone so I wish I had a smartphone so I can have crazy addicted feel good dopamine coursing through my veins. Not really though, I don’t like being on the phone. I’d rather get happy from looking at a rock in nature, reading a boring book about Oprah, or mowing the lawn.
doogie howser moment
Dopamine is essentially the reason we do the things we like and avoid the things we dislike. It’s like dairy to a lactose intolerant person- it’s good in the moment but the long term effects are devastating. It’s like eating a brat. It tastes great but you regret it for the next week. I wish I could just dream of eating brats and diary with having no side effects but I’m not a deep sleeper because I hear my gf snore. Maybe I should do a shot of crum before go to bed.