my new catch phrase
“you know I don’t fux with no shrimmpppppppp”
my reaction: My gf asked if I wanted to have seafood one night and I replied, “you know I don’t fux with no shrimppppppp”. I said it in a very annoying voice. I’ve been using it out of context every chance I get. She will say, “I’m going to bed” and I will respond “you know I don’t fux with no shrimpppppp”.
bored to the bone
My gf is boring. She loves to be boring. She is next level boring. I don’t think she likes fun. I love that she is boring. She has no expectations from me to be fun. She goes to bed at 8:30 pm. She is in bed before our 6 year old. If we planned to go out we would have to leave the house at 3:30 pm. We are not going to any events at night. Skip a movie unless it’s a matinee. Skip going to a basketball game unless it’s a day game. No concerts for us. The highlight of our day is going to a coffee shop.
real profile
I’m glad I never had to do online dating. I would put all the wrong answers. I would fail at online dating. I’m not that interesting. No one is that interesting. I’ve seen a lot of dating profiles of so called amazing people who like to hike, read, and cook. In reality they drive a car, skim articles, and use the microwave. I thought about what I would put under hobbies and I would put being anxious, passive aggressive, and stubborn. I would put all of my weaknesses on there. I hope I never have to online date. I’m not that cool in real life.
sleep lite
My gf is a light sleeper. It’s annoying sharing a room with her. She will go to bed at 8:30 pm and expects that the house is silent. I have to sneak into my own room at night so she doesn’t wake up. It stresses me out. I have to tip toe in my room like I’m a cat burglar. I feel like I’m breaking and entering my own room. I have to slide in bed as to not rustle the the sheets. I lay in bed stiff as a 2×4. I’m scared to breathe in the event I wake her up. I lay in bed like a mummy that has a yet to be summoned by the Gods. I’m like a lifeless sardine in a metal can.
hobo pat down
I often get asked for money from homeless people. Whenever someone asks me for money I always touch my pockets in my coat and pants. I pat myself down like a police officer looking for drugs who comes up empty handed. I feel like if I give them a visual of patting down my pockets they will believe I have nothing. I don’t need to pat down my pockets. It’s not like you can tell I have money in my pockets if I did. I usually pat down myself and say, “sorry I have no change’ which is true. I don’t have change.
blade runner
I’m starting to go jogging more. I don’t drink and this is one way for me to relieve stress. I have so much pent up frustration that I just need to let it go by going for a run. I used to have an adult beverage at the end of the day to calm my nerves but now I go for a run. It’s hard to go for a run everytime you get stressed. I’ve been doing a lot of running. My legs are tired. I’m gassed at the end of the day. I end up going for night runs if I’m stressed. I will be at the dinner table and say “I’m stressed” and then go on a run. I don’t like running at night. I think people think I’m a killer. I don’t run in running shoes or gear so I just look like I’m running from the cops. I’m running in jeans and a crew sweatshirt. I need to invest in some gear so people don’t think I’m going to harass them. I even gave myself a nickname as the Blade Runner.
doogie howser moment
I need to stop talking about my gf on here. I’m not making fun of her, I’m showing respect by talking about her. She likes to be boring and I respect that. She likes to go sleep early and I respect that. I’m running more so I can go to bed early too. One of the benefits of running is that I’m being less stubborn and passive aggressive. Another benefit of running is that homeless people don’t ask you for change. They only ask you when you are walking. If a homeless person asks me for money while I’m running I’m just going to tell them “you know I don’t fux with no shrimppp.”.