a quote i used to believe in
less is more
my reaction: I used to believe the saying less is more until I saw what my teenage stepdaughters have done this summer which is nothing. Less is not more when you are a teenager. They took less is more and made it less is less. You can’t say less is more when you sit on the couch watching Tik Tok, not doing chores, and eating snacks. Less is Less.
sad graffiti
Since it’s summer I always take my lunch break at work outside. I love being outside when the sun’s out and the wind is blowing. It makes me very happy. Recently some vandal drew a penis with spray paint on the side of the building near where I eat lunch. Every day I look at a penis for lunch. I look at a badly drawn penis and a pair of balls. The balls are on top and the penis is pointed down. I’m not sure how the balls got on top of the penis. I stare at a penis for 30 minutes everyday for lunch. I guess I could turn the other way but I don’t.
hug me
I saw an old friend of mine and asked if I could hug him. He told me I didn’t have to ask for a hug. I told him I wanted to ask for consent first. He said you don’t have to ask for consent when you do a man to man hug. I further told him that if guys are bigger than me I ask for consent. I don’t want to get beat up for giving a man an unwanted hug. I’m not sure if anyone has been beat for a hug but I don’t want to be the first person to find out. I don’t want to get a roundhouse to the face for giving a hug.
god contractor
Someone told me that since I’ve worked at a non-profit my entire life I’ve been doing God’s work. It’s a nice compliment but what is God doing then? If I’m doing God’s work is God just taking it easy up there. Is he just chilling on a sofa watching Netflix scrolling through social media? I don’t want to do God’s work. I want God to do God’s work. I’d think he’d be way better at it than me. Get off your cloud and stop eating grapes with Virgins.
all droids
I noticed while watching Star Wars that everyone has a droid. A droid is a robot that assists and helps their person with daily chores, problem solving, and anything else that needs to be done. They are attached to their droids. Their droids have names. Droids are integral part of their lives. While we don’t have droids we do have smartphones. We all have droids in the form of phones. I know people who can’t function without thier phones if they were taken away. They would be completely useless. We all need our droids.
playground dad
I like going to the playground and disciplining my son in front of other parents so they think I’m a good dad. I will say in a firm and confident voice “No, Please don’t do that” and then walk off like I’m a parenting guru. I bask in all my glory of how good a dad I just was. In my head I think these other parents are impressed by what they just saw. I just said, “No” without yelling. I was stern but caring. I was direct but calm. I like to think I’m a role model for other parents until I turn away from my son and he gets a bloody nose. Then I book it out of there as fast as I can in with my head down in shame.
doogie howser moment
Summer is officially here which means freedom to do what you want and what you don’t want. We need to get rid of our droids, go to the playground, and start doing God’s work. We need to help out God because God is overwhelmed. Give God a hug but first ask for consent. Lastly, enjoy lunch outside to see all the graffiti penises you might not see if you eat inside.