something I overheard in a conversation i wasn’t in
read the Bible you idiot!
my reaction: I was at a festival recently and I talked to a bathroom attendant. A bathroom attendant is a festival employee that ensures the bathroom is clean. I asked him how many guys wash their hands and he said, “70% dont, 30% do”. I thought it was 50/50 but I was wrong. He went on to say, “Cleaniliness is next to Godliness… read the bible you idiot”. I didn’t realize idiot was in the bible.
high gene
When I take a edible I get really good at hygiene. I become an expert. I brush my teeth for ten minutes. I go above and beyond. It feels so good. I never knew brushing your teeth could be so gratifying. I feel every sensation in your mouth. The way the minty toothpaste hits my mouth is orgasmic. Get high and brush if you want to clean every crease and cress in your mouth. They say THC affects your short-term memory. I disagree because my teeth have never been whiter when I take a gummy.
lego architect
I love putting Lego sets together. I didn’t realize how much fun it was. It’s instant gratification. The directions are so easy. It used to give me anxiety but now it’s one of the most rewarding and therapuetic things to do. My son has a birthday coming up and I hope he gets a ton of Lego sets. It makes me feel like I can be an architect. If I can build a Lego car I can certainly become a carpenter. There’s no doubt in my mind that I could’ve help built the pyramids in Egypt, Eiffel Tower in France, or the city of Chicago because I’ve followed simple directions from a Lego set.
revenge of the pot
Whenever I get diarrhea, I will go poop in my gf’s bathroom. I don’t want to mess up my bathroom. Whenever we get in an argument I will also poop in her bathroom. It’s my revenge. I’ll think “oh you want to play games with me? I’m going to starting eating beans, cheese, and spicy food and blow up your bathroom.” I’m going to go all out. It’s a nice passive aggressive way to not argue with your significant other. No one’s feelings get hurt only thier nostrils.
ye olde stress
Sometimes I have bouts of anxiety. My chest feels tight when I’m stressed. I call them my “chesties”. It’s a fun way to name my stress. I found out that anxiety has been around since 5000 BC and the study of anxiety has been around 2000 years ago in the Greco-Roman era. This made me feel a lot better about it. I’m glad the most famous Greek philosophers had anxiety. It makes me feel not alone that Socrates most likely had chesties while he was wearing his white robe philosophizing about the plague.
tv skills
I like talking to people about their TV show watching habits. I will get excited about a new show and tell a friend and he’ll say, “oh that show? Pff. I watched it in a night.” There almost like that’s too easy. Give me a challenge. Ask me to watch something I don’t like. It’s almost as if they are offended I even asked them. They act like TV show watching is a skill or a talent. “Oh I watched that entire season in an hour”. How is that possible? They go on to say “I actually watched everything on Netflix in one month. I used AI to watch it.”
doogie howser moment
I think doing Legos is the key to cure my anxiety. It’s like how some people garden as therapy, maybe my therapy is Legos or taking a dump in my gf’s bathroom. One of the most relaxing things for me is having the living room to myself between 9-10 at night. I don’t binge a whole season on Netflix because I need time to brush my teeth for 30 minutes. In conclusion, maybe I’ll read the Bible so I won’t be an idiot.