a couple costume idea I have for Halloween
Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin
my reaction: Some people in relationships like to do silly couple costume ideas for Halloween like mustard/ketchup, plug/socket, and Barbie/Ken. I want to switch it up. I want my gf to go as Michael Jackson, me as Macaulay Culkin, and then we can have a sleepover.
pile driver
I feel like a mom sometimes because I have to tell my gf (who is a real mom) to clean her side of the room. She leaves piles of clothes on her side of her room like she is moving out. She says she doesn’t have time to put them away. We all have time. We actually have too much time on our hands. Saying you don’t have time is one of the oldest and biggest excuses in the book. She has time to put her clothes away. That’s like saying she doesn’t have time to brush her teeth, comb her hair, or take a shower. It’s like saying you don’t have time to have diarrhea. We all have time to diarrhea.
launder hugs
Last week, I accidentally washed a dirty diaper in the washing machine and then put the diaper in the dryer unknowingly. How did I not see it you ask? I took all the clothes from our hamper and jammed it in the washing machine. I stuffed in all the clothes like I was stuffing a calzone full of veggies and cheese. I also was not looking for a diaper when I was washing the clothes. I didn’t think, “hmm… I should check these clothes for a dirty diaper.” But in retrospect I should if I have a toddler that wears diapers. Maybe I need to inspect all the clothes before I wash them because next time I might find a tampon.
yes cleen
In my 20s I used to clean my bathroom once a month. In my 30s I would clean my bathroom once a week. Now that I’m in my 40s, I clean my bathroom every 3 days. I realized was living amongst filth back in the day. My bathroom was ridden with pee stains and pubes. Now it’s pristine. If there is one hair on the floor I’m detailing my bathroom. I can’t stand grime and dirt. I need a nice clean bathroom. I’m on pace to clean my bathroom every day in my 50s. We clean our kitchen every day even though we aren’t dropping nuclear bombs in there.
shower power
I have a rule that I don’t leave the house after I shower. I think the world is gross out there. No matter how clean a store is I still feel gross among the peasants. I don’t care if it’s Target. Everyone is sliming around in their pajamas, dirty a$$ shoes, and fecal mattered phones. I don’t want to bring the outside world to my clean bed. I’m clean for my bed not the public. I like to look nice for the public but I’m not going to get all cleaned up for you all. I’m going to be just as dirty as all of you. Public domain is like a pig pen. I want to keep my house clean. We have a rule that people must take shoes off at our house but I think I might have a new rule, people must shower before they enter.
pump sin
This fall a lot of people are about to get mad at pumpkins. Men get mad about pumpkin flavored things. Don’t worry it’s seasonal. Pumpkins are not bad. Why do guys hate pumpkins? Did a pumpkin have sex with your gf? Did you have a bad pumpkin experience? Did a gang of pumpkins kill your family? Who has hate for a food that feeds? Pumpkins are good for you. Don’t hate nutrition. Don’t hate food. Hate people. No food has never taken it worse than the pumpkin.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I talked a lot about cleanliness. I’m always picking up something or cleaning something. If your house is clutter your clutter. I don’t want to be clutter. I want a nice clean bathroom. I want a nice clean body. I want it to be so clean I even washed a dirty diaper. I want to be a clean Michael Jackson for Halloween. I definitely don’t want to carve a pumpkin in my house because all the pumpkin guts will be everywhere. Actually, screw pumpkins.