something I’ve been doing lately
reading self-help books on the toilet
my reaction: It’s great. I can work on myself while on the toilet. It’s a win win. It’s very efficient. I’ve been eating a poor diet just so I can work on my mind, body, and spirit. My gut is in trouble but my mental state is at an all-time high.
ban music
Why did the inventors of these new playgrounds put instruments there? Every new playground has cheap plastic bongos and a xylophone. It has made the playground 10x more annoying. As if the playground wasn’t annoying enough. Kids don’t know how to play instruments. They just bang on the drums as hard as they can and scream. It’s a sick cruel joke by playground architects. No more instruments at playgrounds. Playgrounds are for playing not musical debauchery. I’m real close to going to all playgrounds with a screwdriver and remove all instruments. Instead of banning books we need to ban playground instruments.
drunk mvp
I saw a homeless guy begging for money wearing a Drinking Champion Tee shirt. I knew it. Finally, some truth is out there. I’m sure you drink a lot but you’re not a drinking champion or any champion for that matter. If you were a drinking champion, you wouldn’t be begging for money. I don’t mean this to sound mean. I just don’t think you should be wearing a drinking champion shirt if you are pan handling. It’s not a good look for real beggars. You are furthering the stereotype.
like me
There is a saying that goes “you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself”. Wait. I need to love myself before I love others? I can’t. I don’t love myself. I know everything about me. I know every gross thing about me. I have disgusting habits. I pick my nose. I don’t wipe good enough sometimes. I like a few Taylor Swift songs. I don’t want to be in love with myself. That would be a toxic relationship. Not healthy. All I’m saying is I can love others without loving me. But I do like myself a lot. I have commitment issues with myself. I’m in like with myself.
shoulder press
I don’t miss going out to crowded bars. I hated when people would walk by, put their arm on your shoulder, and use you as leverage to move past you. It was usually a guy who was taller than you who needed to get by. He would put his large hand on your shoulder without asking and lunge pass you. He would minimize you to an object. At that moment you become a ledge to him. You became part of the bar. You were just an inanimate object at that point. There was no consent involved. He didn’t thank you for your shoulder. He would just do that. I don’t like guys who do that. I hope they don’t live a good life.
chip on my
Last week, I was at a local healthy bakery getting some sweet treats. I never know what items are at healthy bakeries. All the items look too healthy. I went into put my order with the cashier. I pointed to the display case and stated, “I’ll take a brownie, muffin, and that thing with a chip on cookie”. She said, “you mean the chocolate chip cookie?”. Yes, the chocolate chip cookie. I wish I wasn’t sober. I wish had an excuse, but I didn’t. I didn’t know how to say chocolate chip cookie. I called it a ‘chip on a cookie’. This is how my brain works sometimes.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I’ve had a good week, and I will have another great week. Yes, I didn’t know how to describe a chocolate chip cookie but I got what I wanted. I still like myself even though I had a hiccup. We all aren’t perfect just like kids who think they can play instruments at playgrounds. I feel good knowing that the guy who used me as a ledge is now a drinking champion begging for money. That makes me feel happy. I can’t wait to work on myself after I eat these beans.