something I say when there is a disagreement
we need a third party
my reaction: Whenever I’m with a group of people and I don’t want to be direct I’ll say, “we should hire a third party”. We need a thrid party to settle this dispute. I can’t figure it out. I don’t like conflict. I tend to get emotional. A third party would do much better than me.
donate balls
I’m thinking about becoming a organ donor. On the back of my driver’s license there’s a place where you can write in for if you want to donate organs, tissues, and eyes. I’ll donate my body to science, medical research, or a necrophiliac. I don’t care. I’ll even donate my penis. I don’t know if that will have value to anyone. It’s not the biggest but it’s in good condition. Rarely used but still workable. Not a lot of miles. I’ll donate my balls. My balls are way bigger. If you want big balls take mine. It will make someone happy but most likely disappointed.
dream job
I want to work at a FedEx shipping center in a strip mall. It needs to be in a small strip mall. A strip mall that’s outdated but in a nice neighborhood. I love the idea of taking items from customers and shipping them off. It’s fun to slap a label on a package and send it on its way. It’s instant gratification. I don’t get that kind of satisfaction at my work now. It’s a remedial job but it’s a dopamine hit every time you process an order. I need a remedial job to get dopamine hits.
happy run
I was driving through the park and I saw a runner who was smiling to no one. He was jogging by himself smiling to himself. It weirded me out. I’m not sure what his thoughts were but they are not good. If your doing something and alone you don’t need to smile. Your fun activity just became deranged. It’s a little overboard. It’s creepy. You don’t cook alone and smile. You don’t lift weights alone and smile. Don’t do activities alone and smile. Don’t be a psychopath creep.
plane cool
People act so cool when they get off planes. They act cooler than they actually are. They act as if they flew the plane themselves. You are not the pilot, you are just someone who farted in the seat. I wish I could act cool like people who get off planes when I leave my house. I want that same level of cool. Instead, I leave the house like I’m leaving McDonalds. My stomach hurts and I don’t want to go back. I’m just kidding. I love my house. It’s my sanctuary.
side walk
I don’t get sidewalk sales. Why do businesses put things for sale outside of there shop? You ever buy stuff outside of a store then bring it in to pay for it. That’s such a backwards idea. It’s like the store is helping you steal stuff. Nothing on a sidewalk sale is good. It’s all junk. Technically, it should not be stealing if you took it from a sidewalk which is public domain. You can just tell the store clerk you found it on the ground outside.
doogie howser moment
In summary, I might quit my job to work at a FedEx shipping store. I would leave my house like I just got off an airplane. I wouldn’t walk into work but instead I’ll run into work with a smile. I would even put up a sidewalk sale at my FedEx and sell envelopes on the sidewalk. I’d ship my nuts to get tested to a third party just to make sure someone could use them in the future.