# 240 “inflated pigs”

something i told other parents while at the school playground

the meaning of a whiskey pig

my reaction: I told a few other dads the meaning of ‘whiskey pig’. I have a habit of bringing up topics that aren’t small talk. Small talk is boring. I had wondered if they used the term whiskey pig in college like how my friends did. They were unaware of the term. I told them a whiskey pig is a large woman who likes to drink. One parent looked it up on urban dictionary to confirm its meaning. They confirmed my explanation and that was that.

doesn’t ad up

I’m so glad the political ads are over with. I was sick of seeing ads about inflation where people talk about how they can’t pay bills when they clearly aren’t struggling. There was this one lady who talked about how inflation is negatively impacting her family even though she was dressed in nice clothing and sitting on a expensive couch. It doesn’t look like you’re struggling at all. She was richer than me. Her carpets looked immaculate. Paintings decorated her wall like an art exhibit. I’m sure she was on her way to a steakhouse after the commercial aired. Honestly, it made me think inflation was a good thing by how well she was living.

d world

If I ever get ‘divorced’ from my gf I’m going to want everyone around me to get divorced too. I put divorced in quotations because technically I’m not married. I don’t want to go down alone. I would want all my married friends to go down with me. Misery loves company. I’m making sure everyone is getting divorced around me. If my divorce ever happens, I’m breaking up all your relationships. Watch out. Delete my number if I get divorced. I’m going off. Wives hide your husbands.

stepbad

I don’t want to break up with my gf because I don’t want my kids to have a stepdad. I couldn’t take it. My jealousy would be through the roof. I couldn’t watch my kids play with their new stepdad. I would feel too sorry for myself. That’s why I’m doing everything in my power to make this relationship work so my son won’t have a new stepdad. I would be very passive aggressive to their new step dad. I’d wish bad things happen to him like a leaking faucet, a bad day at work, or diarrhea. I’d wish he’d have constant diarrhea for an entire year. I’d wish consistent diarrhea on this man.

good bad day

I like when my gf has a bad day at work. It gives me purpose in our relationship. It’s easy to be there for someone when they have a bad day and it’s not your fault. I want her day to be so bad that she wants to quit her job. I want her to be stressed out. I want her to cuss and swear about her company. It will make me feel so much better. I’d feel so good inside. I will have all the warm fuzzy feelings. The worst the day for her the better I feel. She should have bad days for me. Our relationship will be soaring to new heights.

no diddity no doubt

I’m glad I never got invited to a P. Diddy party because I would’ve been turned out. I have a hard time saying no. He wouldn’t even have to drug me. I would be forever changed. I’m so glad I don’t know any celebrities or not musically talented. I would’ve definitely partied at Diddy’s given the chance in my early 20s. I was a party animal back in the day. I would be smelling like baby oil for weeks. I would never look at baby oil the same.

doogie howser moment

In summary, I’m not getting divorced. I can’t if I’m not married. I hope my gf doesn’t read this and get mad at me. I’d rather she have a bad day at work. In conclusion, I’m in my relationship for the long haul because I don’t want to deal with new stepdads and whiskey pigs at a Diddy party.