something I like doing
flossing my teeth
my reaction: I was recently on vacation, and I forgot my floss. I didn’t floss for two days. I felt like my teeth were just collecting tartar like how books collect dust at a library. You don’t realize how gross your teeth are until you floss. If you don’t floss don’t talk to me. I don’t want to catch a tartar missile in the eye because you skipped floss day.
high tide
My son loves name brands. We were at Target and he got so excited about seeing Tide that he jumped up and down like he just won the Super Bowl. He screamed, “TIDE! TIDE! TIDE! They have TIDE!”. I thought he was looking at a Nerf gun or a new cool toy. Nope. It was just a bottle of detergent. It wasn’t that cool at all. But maybe we should get excited about Tide. It keeps us looking clean. It makes us look presentable. It’s functional. It’s good clean fun.
hot cat
My gf has been wearing leopard print lately. It’s the first time she has tried to be sexy in years. She has been wearing a leopard print crop top around the house like she is J Lo. When did leopard print become sexy? I’ve never looked at a leopard at the zoo and gotten excited. I’ve never turned on Animal Planet for pleasure. Leopards don’t turn me on. In fact, no animals turn me on. I don’t care if it’s lion, zebra, or tiger. Give me an insect print instead because my girl will be fly.
reel fiction
I don’t like watching movies with people who say, “that wouldn’t happen in real life” or “that’s not realistic”. Of course it isn’t. It’s a movie. That’s why we watch them. They are full of action, fantasy, and stunts we can’t do. Movies are supposed to be entertaining. Movies are fiction. Even the movies that are based on a true story are fake. It has to be, or it’d be very boring. I’m not watching a movie of someone’s real life. That would consist of someone sleeping, going to work, and then watching TV. That sounds miserable to watch. I could just watch myself if that’s the case.
10
Everyone should have a New Years Resolution. I have about 10. I have too many. Everyone has something they can work on. Everyone should have at least 10 things they can work on. They all don’t have to be serious resolutions like I’m going to be a better person, I’m going to be on my phone less, or I’m going to learn a instrument. They can be silly. I have a New Year’s Resolution to fart more in my car. I have one to whisper ‘hi’ to people in public. I have a resolution to eat more cow tongue. It could be anything. Have a resolution even if it’s something as silly as I’m going to poop with the door open.
up butt
As I get older my body is starting to sag. I’m trying to keep things tight. I don’t want loose skin hanging off me like a melting icicle on a house. My lower butt is forming into my thigh. The only good part of my butt is my upper butt. It’s nice and plump. It’s like a mountain peak. I’m happy with my upper butt. I’m proud of my upper butt. The upper butt is top half of your butt. It’s where the butt meets the lower back. I have a nice upper butt but my lower butt is not. I guess I can’t have it all.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, let’s start loving things we take for granted. Let’s get happy for function. I love my upper butt but maybe I should love my lower butt too. My new years resolution will to be excited about mundane things. I will scream “floss floss floss” when I go to Walgreens next. Maybe I will even like the leopard print my gf buys as long as she washes them with Tide. In summary, it’s not realistic but I will try.