something my gf said when she shouldn’t have
i’m done using my brain
my reaction: She said,”I’m done using my brain” on a Saturday. She wasn’t even working that day. It was only 4:00 pm at this time. The hardest thing she did that day was fold laundry. I was upset that she didn’t want to use her brain anymore. That meant I would have to use my brain.
validate please
I’m always looking for validation for anything I do. I need validation. I’m not on social media. I don’t get likes or hearts from posts. I need to get real life validation from my gf. I have the need to tell her that I do things that don’t need validation like reading. I told her that I read from a real hardcover book with chapters. You know it’s real reading when chapters are involved. I feel like that’s an accomplishment that should be celebrated. Even if I just read a page, a paragraph, or one line from a book. I feel so accomplished.
risky tostado
Sometimes I like to take risks in life. Not big risks like sky diving, bungee jumping, or starting a business. I like small risks like farting when I know I shouldn’t or not wearing a coat when it’s cold. My newest risk was heating up a tostado shell in the toaster. I put a tostado shell in the toaster and walked away. I came back a few minutes later and the toaster was on fire. The kitchen was consumed with smoke. The fire alarms were blaring. I ended up unplugging the toaster and throwing it outside. My gf was upset because the house smelled like smoke and our toaster was ruined. I kept reiterating that I shouldn’t be here. I could’ve died. She should be grateful that I’m alive. I could’ve been toast.
it’s criminal
I always compare myself to politicians, felons, and criminals on the news to make myself look like a better person. I love when there is an alleged case of cheating by a high profile celebrity that everyone loves. It makes me look like a saint. I thoroughly enjoy when an extremely successful businessman is indicted on trafficking. I look like the best boyfriend in the world. All these felons are making me look like God’s gift to women. I’m not. I got my faults. I pick my nose, fart, and got skid marks on my undies. I got a lot to work on but I’m not a felon.
bobbit lore
We need Lorena Bobbit to make a comeback. There are too many cases of abuse in relationships. Lorena Bobbit was the woman in the 1990s that infamously cut off her husband’s p*nis. I was scared when I heard this. I was in the 5th grade. I was 11. I think that’s the reason I never had a gf growing up. I didn’t want to get my wee wee cut off. We need women to start doing that again. There would be no Diddy. There would be no abuse anymore. We just need a few instances a year where a girl cuts off a guy’s ding dong. Just a few to remind guys that “hey.. knock it off”. Treat your girl with respect because if you don’t you won’t have a tallywacker. You will go through a transition you didn’t ask for. Better yet the world will be a safer place.
life doing
Every week I ask myself, “what am I doing with my life?”. It’s good to remind yourself once in awhile. It’s healthy. But I ask myself that question way too much. I don’t need to ask myself ‘what am I doing with my life’ every hour of each day. That’s excessive. It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s okay to be lazy. It’s okay to have a moment where I’m not doing something. It’s okay if just lie on my bed for 5 minutes face down. It’s okay if I just stuff myself full of sliced white bread. I should be able to do weird things freely without having to ask, “what am I doing with my life”.
doogie howser moment
In summary, ‘what am i doing with my life?’. I need validation. I compare myself to mass murders just to make myself look good. I’m always talking myself up to my gf. “Oh I’m such a nice bf. I did the dishes. I read. I took out the garbage.’ I make myself look like the dream husband. In reality, I’m just scared my gf is going to cut my p*nis off because I ruined the toaster. I sure hope she’s done using her brain.