a term that’s funny to me
unprotected sex
my reaction: The term unprotected sex is funny. Unprotected sex is used to scare teens from having sex. The term unprotected sex sounds like no one should be doing it. It’s supposed to make sex seem dangerous. But it’s not. Unprotected Sex leads to families. Unprotected sex leads to the survival of our species.
crumobile
My gf’s car is always messy. I can’t stand it even though I know it’s not my car. I feel gross when I get in. I feel like I stepped in a garbage can. I turn into Oscar the Grouch. There are half empty mugs of coffee. There’s paperwork scattered on the floor like someone just quit their office job and they left in a huff. There’s dirty footprints on the side of the upholstery. It’s not all her fault. It’s the primary car we drive. It’s a car full of crumbs. It’s the crumb car. There’s always a kid eating some kind of cracker in the car. I just sit in pool of crumbs every time I get in that car. My life is crumbling.
hot matt
I went to the mattress store because I was bored. I wanted to see what’s up with mattresses these days. Mattress technology has changed. They have cooling mattresses now. They have mattresses they you can regulate the temperature to be colder. Who is sleeping that hot? Who wants to sleep on a cold a$$ mattress? Turn the heat down. Take a cover off. You don’t need to buy a $1000 cold mattress. Move to the North Pole. Next time I go to the mattress store I’m going to bring a blankie, pillow, and wear my pajamas. I need to get the full experience. I want to sleep for a full 8 hours and see if I sleep good in these expensive mattresses. If the salesperson lets me sleep overnight in one of these mattresses I’ll buy one.
diddy doc
There are so many Diddy documentaries out now. How did they make these documentaries so quick? Diddy just got indicted on charges a few months ago. There are like 10 documentaries about the rise and fall of Diddy. How did they film makers have time to make these? Were they just sitting on these documentaries for years? Were they waiting for the news to break that Diddy was a criminal? Usually, documentaries come out 20 years after a crime but not in Diddy’s case. Diddy is not even guilty (most likely is) of his crime yet. The feds just found a bunch of baby oil. Yet there is a new Diddy documentary coming out every week.
program
I’m going to start to call my TV shows my program. The older generation called their TV shows programs so I’m going to start that too. My grandma used to watch good television. She watched good TV. Classic television. She always said, “I got to put my program on. I got my program coming up.” Now, I watch shows on Netflix that arn’t good like Full House or Cobra Kai. I’m not sure if I can even call that a program but I do. I love watching my programs even though it’s not a good program. Are Tik Tok and YouTube shorts programs to kids? Is that their idea of a program? They are secretly being programmed so I guess it is a program.
hug door
Every time I come home from work my daughter will hug me. She will give me the biggest hug. I love it. I need it. I’ve noticed every time I come through the front door she will act like I’ve been gone the entire day even if I just went to the grocery store for 30 minutes. I’ve started to just go outside and come in through the front door just so she will hug me. I’ll fake take out the garbage, fake see if my car is locked, and fake check the mail just to go out and in the front door to get a hug.
doogie howser moment
In conclusion, I like leaving the house so I can get hugs from my family. The more I leave the house the more my family loves me. That’s why I take my gf’s crumb car to the mattress store for no reason. I’m not going to buy a mattress but I know other people will buy mattresses so they can have unprotected s. Maybe that’s why they make cool mattresses? It’s great to know my family will love me when I get home, and then we can watch our favorite program together, the Diddy documentary.