something i call my gf
my domestic partner
my reaction: I technically have a domestic partner. I’ve lived with her for almost 15 years. Domestic partnership is where it’s at. All you suckers who got married are missing out on the DP.
stripper knows best
I think one of the moms of a kid on my son’s 1st grade basketball team is a stripper. Every game she wears a halter top and tight pants. I’m pretty sure she had a boob job. She has stripper vibes from head to camel toe. I’m not sure she is a stripper but statistically there is a chance she could be. I’m just not used to seeing a parent’s abs as they cheer on their 6-year-old son at a basketball game especially during winter. She has the long nails, the dolled-up hair, and massive amounts of makeup. I could very well be wrong. I hope I’m wrong, but I’d rather be right, so I’m not wrong, because I hate being wrong.
jet on out
I ate Jets pizza. I don’t know if you know what Jets Pizza is but think Papa John’s, Dominoes, and Pizza Hut but less famous. I thought it was a local chain. I don’t mind eating at local chains. I just don’t like eating at franchises. There’s something that seems too robotic about fast food. There is no artistry to the food. I gave up fast food years ago. I don’t want to eat at places where there is more than a 100 stores of them. I found out there are over 450 Jet locations across the nation. I was pissed to find out but it was already too late. The damage was done. Like the name jets it will jet right out of you. Your flight will be grounded. Call me Aaron Rodgers because I want nothing to do with the jets.
musk bump
My gf hit another parents Tesla while in the pickup line for school. I think she was making a political statement. There was no damage thankfully. It was just a little fender bender. I guess the guy she hit just bought the Telsa. It was no more than a week old and boom my gf hits it. Ever since that incident I haven’t seen him drive his Telsa to school anymore. He is back to driving his other car, an old minivan. He is taking no more chances of getting his brand new Tesla hit. He is back to driving his run-down minivan. It’s funny how people can own a minivan and a Telsa.
rodent wash
My shampoo is cruelty free. I find that hard to believe since I bought it at the Dollar Tree. Isn’t everything at the Dollar Tree made with cruel? It has to be if it’s so cheap. Someone is getting screwed over. There was a picture of a rabbit on the bottle and under the rabbit it stated, ‘cruelty free’. I don’t understand cruelty free products. What’s the worst that can happen to a rodent if they use shampoo on it, it smells good? Are they scared a rat’s hair was going to have fluff and bounce? We should be testing products on homeless people. They need it more than a rabbit. It wouldn’t be cruel, it’d be a good deed.
busted
Dave and Busters is a funny name for a business. Dave and Busters. It’s two names. I’d definitely go in business with Dave but not a guy named Buster. Who is Buster though? How did Buster get involved? That’s a dog’s name. I’d don’t trust the name Buster. Sounds like a guy that was in jail in the 80s. Sounds like the name of henchman who stole a dog for ransom in a family friendly pg movie. I guess I shouldn’t be making fun of the name Buster. Dave obviously picked the right investment partner. Buster came correct even though he sounds like he was in motorcycle gang that folded.
doogie howser moment
In summary, I’m trying to be cruelty free. I want to live a cruelty free live with my domestic partner. I want to take her to Dave and Buster’s. I want to wine and dine her at Jets pizza. I’m glad my domestic partner doesn’t dress like a stripper. She carries herself like a domestic partner should, with eloquence and grace, that is until she hit a Telsa.