overheard in a conversation I was not in
“Are you lonely?”- grade school friend to my mom a few weeks ago
my reaction: My mom was walking her dog and she saw a friend of mine from elementary school. They made small talk, caught up, you know the usual banter. He told her “you look great”. My mom responded “but I’m wearing no make up”. He said “even better”. He went on to say, “are you lonely….do you mind if I call you?”. I don’t know if he was hitting on her or offering her a therapy session. My friend was with his mom while this was all going on. I guess there’s a chance my grade school friend might be my new step dad.
vice…. principal
My step daughters are in a basketball league and they had their first tournament last weekend. In between games, one of my step daughters was with her father eating a snack outside. Mind you, I was minding my business. I know I usually look for stuff to criticize but in this case I was just chilling. As I looked over I saw him licking his chip seasoned encrusted fingers. Correction, I saw him sucking each individual finger tip to get all of the chip dust off. He moved from one finger to the other so eloquently. You could tell it wasn’t his first rodeo. This guy is a professional finger licker. But come on dude! Your supposed to be a respected member of the community. This guy is a vice principal of a high school, the coach of his daughter’s basketball team, he has his Master’s degree and he is out here sucking on his fingers like it’s a pacifier. You should get your Masters degree revoked. The chips weren’t even something that was worthy of finger licking. They were Sun Chips! Sun Chips are the worst chips out there. I would feel much better if it was a Cheeto, a Dorito, but not SUN CHIPS. We are in the middle of a pandemic and this dude is licking his finger like a feline. Get out of here. I’ve lost all the respect I never had for you.
to baby or not to baby
I struggle with wanting another kid. I’m nearing 40. Plus my gf has already pumped out 3 kids. Do we really need a 4th? Our house is crazy enough. But I’m a visionary. I look well into the future of what this could look like if we have another kid. I think about if we break up, “how is she going to date?”. She is going to have a hard time finding a good man to take on 4 kids. It would be way easier for her to find a new hubby with 3 kids not 4. I’m not saying this in a negative way. I’m saying this in a empathetic way. I want her to be happy post breakup. Just looking out for my number 1.
it’s in season
The newest thing I do to my gf to show “affection” is I grab the side of her stomach and say, “it’s in season”. It’s a cute way to take something that someone might be traditionally insecure about and make it positive. You can do it with any body part and say, “ohh… this is in season”. Grab her elbow, knee, toe.. or if your like her ex… grab a finger and suck on it. It’s in season!
step up
My 7th step daughter is taller than her step mom. I’m pretty sure she can beat up her own step mom. She would never do that but the visual is great. It’s funny that my step daughter can literally talk down to her step mom. I’m glad I don’t have a step son that is taller than me. I would get punked all the time. “Go to your room step son!” and he would reply, “I don’t have to listen to you step dad… your shorter than me!”. That would never happen because I would never discipline my step kid. I would be the little b*tch I am and would just run to their mom and tell on them. Yes. Im tattling. I’ll tattle tale. I’m a snitch. I’ll snitch on my step kids all day everyday.
accomplish a feet
Some people have bad breath. Some people have bad body odor. I have been cursed with smelly feet. My feet get so clammy after a couple of hours. My feet have bad breath for reals. They get so slimy after awhile it’s like they’ve been dipped in KY jelly. I will never achieve my dream of getting my toes sucked unless your my gf’s ex husband. Put a little sun chip seasoning on my toes and he’ll suck on those puppies in no time. I’m just glad that’s the worst smelling part of my body. At least it’s not my man parts. At least I don’t have the case of ‘man tuna’. I’ll takesmelly toes over a smelly sack anyday of the week.
pulling back the curtains
Ricky Davis was selected by the Charlotte Hornets in the first round of the 1998 NBA Draft, as the 21st pick overall. In 2003 while playing with Cleveland, he was accused of stat padding when he deliberately tossed an inbound pass off his own rim to get a rebound so that he could get a triple double. He did not receive credit for the rebound because he took a shot at his own rim. He got a lot of bad press and ended up getting the nickname “Wrong Rim Ricky”. I would say that was the worst ‘rim job’ ever. On a good note, he founded the Feed Your City Challenge, which gave groceries to people in need during the Covid-19 pandemic.
doogie howser moment
A lot has been going on this year. I don’t need extra things to worry about like adults sucking there fingers. I don’t want to see people giving “blowies” to there fingers after they eat chips. Stop! Don’t be a sucker.