# 32 like Harold Miner

overheard in a conversation I was in a long time ago

“I’m relaxing… muscle relaxing….”- me to my brother while in college after he questioned me on why I didn’t want to talk to a girl who was interested in me after I just took a muscle relaxer

my reaction: This girl was literally throwing herself at me and couldn’t have cared less. My friends were like, “dude your passing up an opportunity of a lifetime….she wants you”. But like I said, “I was relaxing…. muscle relaxing”. You will know what I mean if you ever took a muscle relaxer. Your muscles don’t want to do sh*t but just be lazy.

american shy

I was watching the new American Pie movie Girl’s Rules. It’s just like the first American Pie movie but instead of guys it’s girls making a ‘pact’ to hook up by prom. I think I missed the point of the movie. It made me regret not having a high school sweetheart. I even told my gf that I want to go back to High School to have a “High School Sweetheart”. I went on to tell her that I was a “waste of talent”. I went un used. Man…I was such a prude in High School. I was wearing a ‘purity ring’ without ever wearing a purity ring. To say the least I was shy when it came to girls. Maybe I should have done muscle relaxers then.

goodnight flexing

Sometimes before bed we read a book to our son if he is not tired. It’s a nice way to calm him down and decompress. One night while his sister was reading a book to him I was unconsciously flexing my pecs. It’s one of the cool things I can do to with my body still. I didn’t think anyone noticed because I was on the corner of the couch. But everyone stopped paying attention to the book and looked at me while I flexed my pecs. I was going hard on my pecs. Up down up up down. I ruined family time and made it about my chest.

on un bended knee

People always ask me, “when are you going to marry your girlfriend…. it’s been like 10 years since you’ve been dating… get it done”. I tell them it’s in gods hands. Ask the lord yourself. I always make up excuses on why we won’t get married. I have a ton of excuses in the holster. My go to is “Well… I’m still getting to know her…Taking things slow….Don’t want to rush things you know?”. I also go with, “I’m non traditional… I’m waiting for her to get on bended knee.” I’m not a typical male who is masculine. We live an alternative lifestyle.

scary waffles

I was looking up the nutrition facts of a waffle. I guess I’m getting bored. I know it sounds pointless because it’s a waffle, it’s obviously not good for you. But these waffles were “healthy”. They were protein waffles. I wanted to see how much protein was in each waffle and found out they were high in protein. I did some more digging around and read the reviews of this waffle. Again, I was bored. Reviews of products that shouldn’t be reviewed are great literature. You will always find gems of even more bored people making their pointless voice heard. One review from Monica B. read, “I was scared to try these but they were so yummy”. Monica, are you okay? What’s going on in your life? I’m concerned. You were scared to eat a waffle?!?!? It’s a waffle not a grenade. I’ve never once thought a waffle was scary. Even worse that comment had 10 likes and 1 dislike.

how’s it going

I don’t like to ask how my significant other’s day is going the traditional way. I don’t say, “hey how’s it going” or “how’s work”. I usually say “what’s up dude?” or “what up guy”. I know it’s not the best way to greet your bae but hey I’m trying out here. But this time I diverted from Curt’s classic “hey dude”. I was feeling frisky. I was thinking outside the box. I asked point blank, “how dem titties?” She responded without missing a beat, “dem titties got the case of the Mondays”. I’m not sure if it was even Monday when asked her that.

pulling back the curtains

Harold Miner was drafted by the Miami Heat in 1992 with the 12th overall pick. He was nicknamed “Baby Jordan” for his incredible dunking ability. He won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest in 1993 and 1995. I think I only dunked once my entire life. I never did dunk contests with my friends, I had layup contests which are far less entertaining. He only played 4 years in the NBA due to injuries. However, he was good enough to be a character in NBA Jam, a 2 on 2 basketball video game. To me it was one of the greatest sport arcade games ever.

doogie howser moment

A couple of weeks ago I added my gf to this blog list. Every time I watch her read it I see her cringe when I put our family on blast. I hope she doesn’t come out with a counter blog exposing me. I feel like I expose myself a lot already. There is no more damage she could do to me. I win again. Shame yourself before they shame you. And remember to relax…. muscle relax.