phrases used in the media that I’m sick of hearing
“we’re working with local officials”
my reaction: Whenever someone says “they are working with local officials” they have no idea what they are talking about. That means they are buying time to make a decision or they are not doing anything about a situation that needs to be resolved. All I want to know is how I become a “local official”. Who do I have to sleep with?
self diagnose phase
My stepdaughter is getting out of control. You know how kids go through stages like acting emotional, slutty, or being rebellious. Well she is going through a “self-diagnose stage” where she thinks she has a new disease each week. Last week, it was diabetes. She was asking her mom if she had diabetes because she was eating cake. Maybe if you put the cake down you wouldn’t be at risk. This week it’s “mom I think I have breast cancer”. Why did she self diagnose herself with breast cancer? No clue. I wonder what disease she will have next week? The plague?
look up to
I like being around tall men. They make me feel safe and comfortable. Maybe it’s because I lacked a father figure in my life. I just want someone to look up to, literally. I don’t want to hang out with short people because that would make me the tall person. I don’t want people looking up to me. I can’t handle that pressure. That’s why I prefer to hang out with tall dudes. I know I’m safe when I’m in the company of tall men. It’s like a woman who like tall men just because of their height. They feel safe when they feel vulnerable. Any tall dudes want to hang?
contractor talk
I want to be a contractor or learn a skilled trade. You ever hear these guys talk? They talk like they have all the answers. They exude confidence because they know things the common person doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter what trade. I could be a plumber, carpenter, electrician, painter, any of those. These guys blow so much smoke up you’re a$$ you think they know it all. I work in non profit so I don’t have that ‘contractor confidence’. My skills are patience, listening, and teamwork. No one wants to hear about me talking about how nice I had to be. You can’t work at a non profit and act cocky. I can’t brag about being patient.
foot pull
I’m a big user of those foot door handles in restrooms at stores. I think they are called StepNpull hands free door openers. I’m always using them but at the same time I don’t want to be caught using them. As a man, it’s frowned upon. I want to look tough and open a door like a man with his hands not with his Nikes. I feel like such a prissy little germaphobe when I reach out my foot and sweep the door open. Could you imagine another man watching you swing open a door with your shoe? He would shake his head in disgust. My shoes are going to be the nastiest thing on me. I feel like every time I need to tie my shoe I’m going to need a vaccine. What’s going to replace ‘foot door handles’? Are people going to open the door with their crotch by smushing their junk on the door?
home of the burger
I’m still surprised to see that Burger King’s slogan is “Home of the Whopper”. Burger King’s claim to faim is a ‘whopper’? A whopper?Such a weird name for a burger. It’s also a candy, specifically a malted milk bell. Doesn’t sound appetizing. A Whopper is just a burger with tomatoes, lettuce, mayo, ketchup, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun. Can’t you just put “Home of A Burger” because that’s what it is. What if Taco Bell had a slogan that said “Home of the Smushie”. A smushie is just a quesadilla with cheese, salsa, onions, and chicken.
pulling back the curtains on Nazr Mohammed
Nazr Mohammed was selected by the Utah Jazz with the 29th pick in 1998. He ended up playing for 8 teams in 18 years in the NBA. On May 10, 2013, he was involved in an altercation with LeBron James in the 2013 NBA Playoffs. James was called for a technical foul for tying up with Mohammed in transition; Mohammed retaliated by shoving James which required James to sue Mohammed. Nazr got sued by LeBron James. I think that’s a cool moment. Who gets sued for a foul in a game? Nazr Mohammed does.
doogie howser moment
A lot of times I don’t know what I’m talking about. Sometimes I just spew out whatever is on my mind. Like maybe I have ADHD, anxiety, or I’m bipolar. Now, I’m sounding like my step daughter with self diagnosing. But what I do know is, is that I don’t have Covid, I use Step N Pulls. If you use StepNPulls you can’t get covid. At these moments that my mind wanders I prefer the company of tall men to put me at ease. Sometimes with all the nonsense going in my head I feel like I’m working with “local officials”.