overheard in a conversation I had in my head
“Anyone else feel like we’re breezing thru this pandemic”-me to myself
my reaction to myself: Not at all.
go down a stream
Aren’t you guys sick of people telling you how they don’t have cable like there better than you? They are always like “yeah we don’t have cable…we don’t watch much TV..we just stream on Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Disney Plus, ESPN, Tubi, Showtime, Amazon Prime…. that’s all we really need… we don’t need cable…”.
new blankie
I bought this anti anxiety blanket thinking it was going to take away my stress. It’s a 15 pound weighted blanket. To be honest, I thought this $30 blanket would’ve helped me sleep, but it hasn’t. It weighs me down even more. Not only do I have have the stress of the world on my shoulders, now it’s evenly distributed over my whole body. My gf said give it some time. Give it time? How is that supposed to work? Will the blanket develop secret powers and heal me? I feel duped but I shouldn’t. I was just overly optimistic that a blanket would solve my problems. Looking back I know now I’m the fool. A wise man never said, “the key to a happy and prosperous life is a blanket from Macy’s”.
relapse ref
While attending my step kid’s last basketball game I noticed the ref was a little off. At first, I thought he was just a wierdo. He looked goofy, his hair was unkempt, and he had poor body mechanics. To say the least, he looked odd. However, I found out he was extremely hungover. I overheard him tell a few parents that he was out until 2am the night before. I wondered if he had a one night stand but judging by his looks I don’t think so. He could barely keep up with the pace of the game. Mind you, my step daughter is in 7th grade. He looked like he was on the verge of puking every possession. His face was blotchy and red. He was hilarious. A guy who is supposed to make the right calls is hungover and borderline drunk.
I don’t see food
I was talking to my girlfriend and out of the blue I said “one day there will be no seafood…isn’t that sad?”. I wasn’t stoned even though it sounded like a true stoner thought. I was completely serious. I meant it. All the seafood will be gone. There will be no Red Lobster. It’ll become Red Labster because all the seafood will made be in a lab. Guys, I’m scared that one day there won’t be a single fish left.
what happens when life pushes you down
While driving my son home from my mom’s house a guy rolled down his window and said, “excuse me sir… what happens when life pushes you down?” “Umm… I don’t know”. Then he laughed as a bellow of smoke came blowing out of his window. I was confused. Two days later, I realized what he wanted me to say when he asked me “what happens when life pushes you down”. He wanted me to say “get high”. I wish I could go back in time and say “get high” to look cool for the 10 second interaction we had.
pulling back the curtains
Andrei Kirilenko was drafted in the first round of the 1999 NBA draft by the Utah Jazz with the 24th pick. He became the first Russian player selected in the first round of a draft. His nickname is “AK-47” which references his initials and the jersey number he wore. He was also born in the city where the AK-47 was first manufactured. Such a deadly nickname for a basketball player. I also read that his wife gives him a yearly hall pass. What a great wife. All wives should do that for there husbands. But that’s not for me. I wouldn’t want a hall pass.
doogie howser moment
The only time I feel like I’m breezing through a pandemic is when I have the window down while driving my car. Otherwise, my mind goes AWOL. Sometimes you have those days when you think about all the fish not existing. Why? I don’t know? That’s why it’s good to stream a show on Netflix to escape the nuisances of life. But what happens when life really pushes you down? Be hopeful and buy a anti anxiety blanket.
I think about fish being gone all the time; you’re not alone.