something I said to my girlfriend that I should’ve kept to myself
“that dad is hot… I want to be his assistant coach”- me to my gf
my reaction: The hot dad I was referring to was the coach of my step daughter’s soccer team. Let me give you a quick description of this guy’s appearance so you know what I’m talking about. He is in his mid 40s, has a well chiseled chin, sun kissed skin, and a great bod. He played professional soccer too. In my research, most professional soccer players age well. It’s something I’ve noticed throughout the years (not that I’m looking but I’m looking).
bed thoughts
I was having a deep thought before I went to bed. I have a lot of deep thoughts in my head. In this deep thought I compared my life to a piece of confetti that has been thrown in the air. Think about it. Confetti is always falling and as humans we are always falling, literally and figuratively. We could be falling in love, falling down, or falling into a pit of snakes. Some confetti floats in the air just enjoying life at a leisurely pace, while other confetti hits the ground faster than others. Some confetti sparkles, while other confetti is just around making the other confetti look better. In the end, we are all like confetti slowly falling. My advice is might as well look good on the way down. I know this sounds deep but I thought of this when I was in my bed on cbd.
shirtless ref
I was at my step daughter’s last soccer game of the season and noticed a referee that was getting ready before the game taking his shirt off in the bleachers. His top half was fully exposed. Granted, it was hot day and we were outside, but you’re the referee. This guy was on the bleachers using the shirt he took off as a rag to wipe off his sweaty armpits and chest. I love watching this kind of behavior. He had no qualms about having his shirt off wiping himself down. This guy was straight up cleaning himself like a kitten licking himself clean in front of a group of parents and young children.
farmer’s doughnut
We frequent a lot of farmer’s markets to get fresh produce, plants, and homemade products. That’s what your supposed to do. Your supposed to buy stuff from farms. What does my family do? We buy doughnuts, popsicles, and pies. You know, good ol fashioned sweets. We get doughnuts at farmer’s markets. How in the hell do you get away with selling doughnuts at FARMERS MARKET? You can’t grow doughnuts. There are no doughnut farms. We also bought our son a $4 popsicle. That’s highway robbery.
forest condom
While walking my son on a trail near our house I spotted a condom wrapper. Next to the wrapper was the actual condom. It was a magnum so it was not hard to miss. I did some investigation to see if it was actually used because when you’ve made it that far you can’t stop there. Did someone really have sex here? It peaked my curiosity. No, I thought. I don’t think someone with a magnum would come to this trial that’s off the river to do it. A guy using magnums has to rent a hotel or own a house. It had to be a group of kids who were just messing around. I did some further investigating to see if there was semen in the condom. I got a real good look as I was inches a way. It didn’t appear to be used but I’m not sure if semen evaporates. It has been hot and humid lately. I decided that my son needed attention rather than this condom, so I gave up. I wish I could’ve solved this case but it will always remain an unsolved sex mystery.
lilo and stitch
I had to take my son to the emergency room because he spilt his head open during a tantrum by hitting the side of the wall because he wanted a cookie at 8:30 at night. I was in the shower when it happened. So, I quickly got dressed putting my underwear on backwards which I realized hours later, then floored it to the hospital going through multiple red lights (furthering endangering my family). I guess it didn’t matter if we got in a accident, we were on our way to the hospital anyways. I finally arrived at children’s hospital and was confused with all the signs. I went to the wrong entrance 3 different times all while my son’s head was bleeding. The emergency entrance is hidden nicely in the middle of this big hospital complex. Way to make it easier for emergencies. Nicely designed. Not. I saw a lot of babies with diarehhea and kids with broken arms. To clarify, I didn’t see any babies with diarehhea, I just overheard one mom saying it. When we checked in they took his weight. His head is bleeding. Why are you checking his weight? We must’ve saw 8 medical personnel all just to give him 3 stitches. It took us 2 hours before they give us the stitches. I think that should’ve been the first thing they did.
pulling back the curtains
Coty played college basketball ball at Arkansas and in two years became just the fifth player in program history to accumulate 500 points, 300 rebounds, 100 assists and 100 steals over a two-year span. Coty Clarke went undrafted in the 2014 NBA draft He made his NBA debut on March 15, recording three points and one rebound in three minutes off the bench in the Celtics’ 103–98 loss to the Indiana Pacers. I’m not sure if he ever played in the NBA after that but that those 3 minutes had to be awesome.
doogie howser moment
I have a lot of deep thoughts in a day like comparing myself to a piece of confetti. I also have a lot of not so deep thoughts such as buying $4 popsicles, going through red lights on the way to the hospital, and sniffing condoms in the forest. One thing I would never do is take my shirt off in front of entire crowd of people if I was a referee. The only person I want with their shirt off is my step daughter’s soccer coach.