thoughts with me
A friend of mine quit her job because the work environment was toxic. I was surprised because she works from home. Here’s a solution… move.
I took my son to get haircut at a boutique barbershop. It cost $30. I love my son but his hair is not worth $30.
You ever buy chips that say, “A hint of Sea Salt. A hint of Lime.” How about you put more than a hint of seasoning. I’m paying $5 for these chips.
I’m not a motivational speaker. I don’t think I’ve ever gave someone advice and they took it. I guess that makes me an un-motivational speaker. I give great advice on how to do nothing and how to continue to do nothing for the rest of your life.
bar card
While at the bar last week this guy I met gave me his business card. According to his business card, he is an investor, author, and motivational speaker. He the had the quote “Failure is key to success” on his card. I don’t think that’s the right quote you want on your business card if you’re an investor. That quote works for athletes and cooks but not financial investors. I can see a pissed off client saying, “I just lost my entire life savings because of you” and this dweeb responding, “well… failing is all part of the process.” Failure is not key to success. Success is the key to success. Don’t put “Failure is key to success” on your business card if you’re trying to start a business.
sorry son
My stepdaughter’s dad won’t let her date. I get it. She is in 8th grade. He’s overprotective but that’s his job as a dad. That whole overprotective dad thing only happens when it’s dad to daughter. Never dad to son. My dad would never care who I dated. Imagine if my dad was like that. He would never say, “No dating girls Curt. These girls will take advantage of you. They will use you, pressure you to go down on them, and tell you that they love you just to sleep with you. They will run trains on you like a railroad depot. Sorry, son. My house, my rules. No girls. You have to be 18 to date”.
love
I have a friend named “twat”. Well it’s not his real name, it’s a nickname. I once asked him, “what is love?” a long time ago. He gave me an honest answer. He mentioned something about missing that person when their not around. We had a heart to heart. I never thought I’d get legit love advice from a guy named twat. This is the same guy who texted me repeatedly, “you want to see my dick scars” after getting a vasectomy. I’ve had many friends get a vasectomy and he is only one to show me. He is the only friend to show me his vasectomy scar and what love is.
imposter stain
There is a huge white stain on my computer chair in my cubicle at work. It looks like a jizz stain. It’s right on the front of the chair where a guy would jizz on. There is actually two jizz stains. It doesn’t help that my chair is black. I work with two other people and they are females so it can’t be them who did it. It had to cross their mind that that’s a jizz stain on my chair. It can’t be cake frosting or doughnut filling. They know I don’t eat sweets. I’m also the only male in my department, even the janitor is female, so there is no way I can blame another dude. Someone had to plant some jizz on my chair to get me fired or play a practical joke. It’s funny because I just recently noticed this jizz stain. Who knows how long I’ve been sitting on it? Not once have I ever tried to clean it off because that would then implicate me. I’ve just humbly sat on someone else’s jizz.
5 minutes
I have the utmost respect for people who work in fast food, it’s the people who eat there and complain who I have problem with. I love seeing people getting in a tizzy when their meal is not ready in 5 minutes. Hey, you try to make a meal in 5 minutes at home. I bet you can’t do it. Sure, you can make a PB & J in minutes but that’s not what I’m talking about. You don’t go out to eat PB & J’s. Try to make a burger, fries, and scoop a dish of ice cream within minutes.
pulling back the curtains
Miye Oni was drafted in 2nd round of the 2019 NBA draft by the Utah Jazz with the 58th overall pick. He played college basketball at Yale and was the Ivy League Player of the Year in 2019. Oni was born to Nigerian parents Opeyemi and Oludotun Oni. His father is a professor at the University of Phoenix.
doogie howser moment
Failure is making a meal over 5 minutes at a fast food restaurant. Failure is getting love advice from a guy named twat . Failure is allowing your son/daughter to date. Remember failure is the key to success according to the man with the business card. So technically it’s all a success, but finding jizz on your chair at work and not cleaning it up is failing, it’s not a success, it’s definitely failing.