thoughts with me brain
I’m all about pronouns. I believe you should be addressed how you want to, but you know there is a some guy out there saying, “call me by my PRONOUN…. Bro and Brosef.”
You know how you don’t know an answer to something like “what’s the capital of Arizona” and your friend will respond, “just Google it.” Do you think back in the day before internet they were saying, “just library it?” Just walk 5 miles to the library, ask the librarian, find the book, and get the answer. Don’t be lazy. Just go to the library! How hard is that?”
If a mystery Dum Dum is always the same flavor is it still a mystery?
cleanliness is next to godliness ain’t paying fees
This past weekend I went to Arizona for a family trip. We stayed at a Airbnb because it’s ultimately cheaper and more private. But at the same time it’s more of a hassle. It’s a lot easier to check out of hotels than Airbnbs . At a hotel, you just leave the place a disgusting mess. You leave the bathroom sink full of hair, skid marks in the toilet, and tissues of blood in the waste basket, and it’s all good. At Airbnb, you have to take off the bedding, do all your dishes, and put them away to avoid a ‘cleaning fee’. There’s always a binder of rules, tips, attractions, and other random stuff. I like reading these because there’s always recommendations that shouldn’t be. Somehow Dominoes made this guys’ top 10 for places to eat.
gated violence
The Airbnb was also in a gated community. You need a code to enter. I still know the code. It is 2323. Just in case you want to wreak havoc in a gated community. I wonder how many people know that code from delivery drivers, to people who got evicted, or exes. I feel like the gated community is unsafe if everyone who stayed there knows the code. The gate opens and closes so slow that anyone could follow you in this gated community and essentially have more privacy in robbing you. No one would see you from the street. You would be pummeled before anyone could call 911. I think gated communities might be more unsafe. We need to revisit the gated community concept.
the 3rd bite
I went a restaurant in Arizona and the waiter asked like many do, “How’s your first couple of bites?” I always say, “good” no matter what. It could be the best meal or worst meal I’ve ever had. It could taste like the devil’s taint and I would still say good. But what I really want to say is, “The first couple of bites were good but the 3rd…. Yuck!”. Every thing was going great on those first couple of bites but then somehow it went downhill from there. That 3rd bite made me want to puke. No one ever asks about the 3rd bite. Waiters everywhere please ask me about my 3rd bite.
plane water
While on a airplane back from Arizona to Milwaukee I was splashed with water from a baby’s water bottle. The dad holding the water bottle opened his baby’s water bottle and water came shooting out on to me and only me. I was in the row behind them on the other side of the aisle. Not sure how it didn’t get on anyone else. It landed on my upper thigh. A puddle of baby water on my thigh. The only thing the Dad could say was sorry. It’s not like he could’ve offered to clean my upper thigh off with a napkin, that would’ve been weird. I was wearing soccer shorts on the plane which doesn’t make sense when you’re flying into 30 degrees weather. So, it was my fault, I was asking for it.
wreck league
I had my first recreation basketball game at 9pm the day I flew back from Arizona. I played in soccer shorts (same shorts wore on plane that day from Arizona), bright neon shoes, and wore a rainbow colored bandana. I looked like I was about to make kombucha or burn some incense. I didn’t look like a ‘baller’. I ended up scoring 9 points. After each point I scored the other team groaned like “now this dude is scoring… how are we going to let this guy score?” The worst player on their team took me because they think I suck (which makes sense because of what I was wearing). Even the referees were making fun of me by questioning if the hand I shoot with was my dominant hand. I tend to flick my shot very quickly. One of my teammates called me Rupert from Survivor. I didn’t know the reference but I know one thing, it wasn’t a compliment. Anyone from Surivivor is not going to be well kept, clean, or good looking.
pulling back the curtains
Rupert Boneham was a contestant on Survivor in 2003 where he placed 8th. Rupert was known as a “gentle giant” for his distinctive appearance, which included a huge beard, tie-dye shirt and large size. Boneham was also the 2012 Libertarian nominee for Governor of Indiana which he eventually lost to Mike Pence. If your going to vote for a reality show contestant to be a politician then chose someone who was on Survivor, it shows your resourceful. Rupert may have lost that election but he’ll be just fine, because like Destiny’s Child, he is a survivor.
doogie howser moment
I realize I don’t mind cleaning, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and instant gratification. It doesn’t matter if I’m cleaning the dishes at a Airbnb or cleaning off baby water on my thigh 10,000 feet in the air. I’m like Rupert, I’m a survivor. I’m quick to think on my feet, that’s why every time I enter a gated community I’m looking behind me to see if anyone followed me in. Got to know your surroundings “Brosef”. Last thing, if you don’t know the answer to something like “Why do waiters always ask you about your first couple of bites but not the third?”, your not a dum dum, just “Library it”.