Overheard in a conversation I was in
“my grandson is a hoe”- the custodian at work
My reaction: I hope my mom never has to say that about my son. I don’t think my grandma has ever said that about me. Maybe she said something like “he had a few accidents” but would never call me a “hoe”. If your grandma ever calls your kid a hoe, it’s too late. You can’t un-hoe him. Hopefully, it’s just a stage in his life for this young man. Maybe next time in a few years the custodian at my job will say, “remember my grandson… the one that’s a hoe… well… now he is married, has a family, and a good job.” That’s all I can hope for.
hazard couch
You ever buy something like a chair, a cooking pan, or article of clothing that has the warning “This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.” It makes me a little nervous. I didn’t know the sock I bought could make me impotent or sitting on a recliner give me testicular cancer. It kinda scares me. But, on the other hand I think, “well… it can’t affect me… this product only contains chemicals KNOWN to California… I live in Wisconsin.. it’s not KNOWN to us.”
make it rain
I would never make it rain no matter how rich I get. I would immediately start regretting it as soon as all those dollar bills left my hand. I would be like I made a huge mistake. I would start trying to grab my dollars back in a effort to cut my losses. “Sorry everyone… it was a mistake… it slipped out of my hand… I wasn’t trying to make it rain.” Even if some of the money made it into some people’s hands around me I would be like, “yeah… can I get that back?… I was trying to look cool… I have bills to pay.”
flatulence father
I was thinking long and hard one day about what kind of dad I want to be. I want to be a great dad. I don’t want to be the dad that farts in front of his children. It’s funny but it’s hacky. It’s unoriginal. I come from a long line of farting dads. Do I stop what has been passed down to me from generation to generation or do I continue the art of the farting dad? I wrestle this question frequently. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll squeeze a couple out each year during the holidays just so the kids know Dad ain’t playing around.
100% sure
I am working on my communication skills. I think we could all improve on this. I am especially working on this with my current partner. We sometimes have different views on how the conversation went down by both remembering different accounts of the same conversation. I’m sure you’ve all have been a victim of this. We all think our account of the story is the right one. Who knows anymore? I have so many conversations I can’t even keep count. Going forward I’m going to put “100% “ in front of everything I say. For example, I’ll say, “100% I am going out with my friends tonight or 100% I know you have to work late.” Then, you will know that there is no percentage that your wrong because you said, “100% sure”.
the l spot
I got a library card the other day. It seemed so archaic. I’m glad libraries are around still. I’m glad people are reading. I feel I should be made fun of because I got a library card because I would make fun of someone if they got their card. I would be like, “Nerd… trying to be smart and learn”. Its refreshing to hold a book and not an IPad. It’s refreshing to see a community board of happenings instead of going online. I can rent DVDs like I was at Blockbuster but for free, instead of searching Netflix for something I don’t want to watch in the first place. The library might be my new hangout. That last line makes me sound like a weirdo creep because only weirdo creeps hang out at the library.
pulling back the curtains
Ron Baker went undrafted in the 2016 NBA Draft but played for the New York Knicks and Washington Wizards. Baker is an enrolled member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation.[24] Baker also wrote a childrens book called You’re Too Big to Dream Small, based closely on his life. In 2021 he quietly retired from the NBA. In August 2021, Baker was named project manager in the strategy and business development department at a medical center, Ascension Via Christi, in Wichita, Kansas
doogie howser moment
I want to be a good dad. I don’t want to be a bad dad. I don’t want my son to be naughty and have his grandma call him a hoe. That’s another reason I won’t make it rain. Making it rain is a thing you do at strip clubs. I won’t even fart in front of my child because then he will become a farting hoe, instead I’ll take him to the library and we can watch creeps fart there. I’m working on communication so it’s great that I got a library card so I can read about communication. I can also read about hazardous chemicals. I’m not “100% sure” I won’t fart in front of my kid, read books at the library, and work on communication, but I’ll try.